Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Sometimes when I tag someone in a pic I whisper "you're it."

   there anything more capitalist than a peanut with a top hat, cane, and monocle selling you other peanuts to eat

   If your job is to follow celebrities around taking their picture, I only have one question. What keeps you from killing yourself??

   Chinese smog drifting east and is now covering parts of California. Yet another American icon has been outsourced.

   Why do people post missing person posts on facebook? Like we're going outside...

   Well, The Captain & Tennille are getting a divorce. I guess he did that to her one too many times.

   Her: My boss treats me like his servant!! Me: I’m sorry, you deserve better. What’s for dinner?

   Okay, admit it. You're secretly hoping Justin Bieber does his Paul Walker impersonation.

   she said she was getting close to 40 and I ask from what side?

   Thanks to Richard Sherman, we have a new word: Thugger.

   Awe poor Justin Bieber, I'll think about you whenever I push a hemorrhoid back in.

   I actually feel bad for Justin Bieber. No girl should have to take a picture without her makeup on

   Inmates in Miami Beach can now tweet Justin Beiber and poke him on after his Face got booked!

   Since it was on of the most popular apps download and played in 2013.......Anyone knows when Candy Crush is sending us our W-2's???

   Every date is the first date if you get black out drunk every time.

   Bieber's arrest doesn't give him street cred, it actually just raises the street cred bar a little higher...

   Captain and Tennille divorcing after 39 years? But I thought "Love was going to keep you together"? I guess he got tired of "Doing it to her one more time"

   Florida inmates said to have some crazy "Bieber Fever" today. ‪

   It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care.

   To catch a bus you have to think like a bus!