Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Don't want to say I had a crazy year but Rob Zombie is asking for the rights to direct my Facebook movie.

   Those mattress commercials with the people fake sleeping without covers would be more believable with a lonely housewife getting jack hammered by the pool boy.

   Tried to do my facebook movie and just got a message telling me it had been nominated for a Razzie Award.

   Why is it that everytime there is a snowstorm, New Yorkers act like it's the worst storm ever? It's been snowing and storming for millions of years. Get over it. We deal with it all the time up here!

   Sometimes I wonder how vegans can survive off what little they can eat, then I remember they just feed off attention.

   I've just invented a new word: "Plagiarism"

   Where is the ãdmįn when you need one

   Jesus died for our sins, so if we don't sin he died for nothing.

   Dude how broncos are you?

   I'm going to start a business in India, but have the call centers in America. We'll see how they like it

   Umm...it's frigid...not fridged...'fridged' is something yous stored in the refrigerator hahha

   I don't know about Todd's wife being fridged, but her snatch must be giant, cause I swear, his post had an echo!

   April Fools this year falls on a Tuesday. I want to order a case of the stick figure family stickers and head over to the mall and randomly put them on people’s windows just to confuse the hell out of them when they come out to find their vehicles. Whoâ

   A look back on Facebook: 4,500,000,000 BC - 2005 AD .... cricket, cricket, cricket. 2005-2014 "Hey everyone! Look at what I had for dinner!

   Anyone who thinks that overweight people are slow moving, may I remind you of how fast Santa Claus knocked out those gift deliveries a little over a month ago?

   COLD? You haven't seen cold, until you've woke up next to my ex-wife! .. Fridged!

   COLD? You haven't seen cold, until you've woke up next to my ex-wife! .. Fridged!

   Just when you thought this sh*thole couldn't sink any deeper...

   moron.....hahaha.....nobody thinks you're funny

   Damn. Facebook has more movies than Netflix.