Funny Status Messages

   Who's up for some curling in my driveway?

   Bye, bye, Miss Alaskan Pie. Rode my Ski-Doo, To the igloo............................... This was a dumb idea, Sorry

   Don't judge a man by how low his pants hang below his ass...just kidding, that's a great reason to judge someone.

   I'm typing this status from my car. Now don't go flipping out, I’m in the passenger seat. It kinda makes it a little harder to drive, yet it fools the cops, so hey...

   There are 15 year olds skating in the Olympics and I can’t even walk down my driveway in winter

   If you say “Kanye” in the mirror three times, he appears, pushes you over and starts screaming his own name in the mirror.

   Tu pac's of Eminems used to cost 50 cents. Kanye believe it? Isn't that Ludacris? Wil-I-am glad they aren't as cheap now, or I'd be an even bigger Puff Daddy than I already am.

   ATTENTION : All position for stupid people in my life ,have been filled ,no more applicants need apply. Thank You !

   Valentine Day weekend is over. I think Helen Keller plays the role of cupid in my love life.

   Bob Costas' eyes went down on Ludmila Pachinko.

   Idiots who have lift kits on their trucks and have over 22 inch rims use Axe on their tires.

   DOCTORS WRITING: "﹏﹏ ﹏﹏ ﹏﹏." HOW I SEE IT: "∮₪₮￦￡." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Damn Aspirin."

   I dont drink these days. I am Allergic to alcohol and Narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.

   Paul Walker dies in a car crash and the snake handling preacher dies from a snake bite. If I was Miley Cyrus I wouldn't go around any construction sites

   Ok mother nature we beat the snow record now there's no need to run the score up!

   Stalking: contacting, or attempting to contact, a person by any means.

   Most of them had experienced a broken home caused by divorce, or a lack of discipline in the home, and emotional neglect. The attention in the household is on the parents rather than the child.

   They lack empathy and guilt, and are egocentric and do not conform to social, moral and legal norms.

   The main motives of stalks and serial killers are Visionary, Mission-oriented, Lust, Thrill, Comfort (profit), Power, and Media.

   I'm not sure I buy that, "An apple a day" expression any more. As a matter of fact, I'm completely convinced apples are bad news. Just look at Eve, Snow White, or any pig at a Hawaiian Luau.