Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I forgot where I threw my boomerang but after a little while it came back to me.
←Rate | 02-24-2014 12:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Proverbs 9:8 "do not correct a scoffer, or he will hate you" or in modern words "haters gonna hate"
←Rate | 02-24-2014 11:40 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dale Jr won.....there hasnt been this much excitement in the trailer park since number 9's meth lab blew up
←Rate | 02-24-2014 10:41 by wayneh Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got married so that I can be autocorrected even when my phone is off.
←Rate | 02-24-2014 10:24 by JEBI Comments (0)  


   messageicon Woke up this morning after a hard night of boozing, stepped on the scale and I lost 3 pounds. There ya have it. Dignity weighs 3 pounds.
←Rate | 02-24-2014 10:00 by peter Brajkovich Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to the gym now. Not bragging. Just want you to know where to send the ambulance.
←Rate | 02-24-2014 10:00 by peter Brajkovich Comments (0)  


   messageicon May be time to get in shape. Halfway up this flight of stairs and I'm considering setting up base camp and trying again in the morning.
←Rate | 02-24-2014 09:57 by Peter Brajkovich Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sochi Olympic officials announce construction is complete and the facilities are now ready......
←Rate | 02-24-2014 09:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That's somebody's daughter.
←Rate | 02-24-2014 07:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love it how doctors show you pictures of smoker's ugly lungs and non smokers healthy lungs when technically both sets of lungs came from DEAD PEOPLE.
←Rate | 02-24-2014 06:22 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you know that if you listen to Billy Ray Cyrus's "Achy Breaky 2" backwards, it's still sh* t ?
←Rate | 02-24-2014 05:52 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some days I feel about as useful as the pants in Donald Duck's closet.
←Rate | 02-24-2014 05:46 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon therapy is expensive...vodka is not. need I say more....
←Rate | 02-24-2014 01:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to brag, but I'm pretty amazing at smacking asses
←Rate | 02-23-2014 23:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon So when do we start calling this the Second Great Depression?
←Rate | 02-23-2014 22:04 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Looking for Ivan Drago at the closing ceremony.
←Rate | 02-23-2014 20:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING: Jimmie Johnson just won the 2013 Daytona 500....
←Rate | 02-23-2014 19:30 by sully Comments (0)  


   messageicon He thinks taking a selfie is going to the bathroom.
←Rate | 02-23-2014 18:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What is worse than lobsters on your tennis court? Crabs on your balls!
←Rate | 02-23-2014 18:40 by Uncle Bubba Comments (0)  


   messageicon KISS announced that they will not be performing at this year's Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame ceremony. Oh well. Hopefully we'll get a killer performance from the other inductee Nirvana.
←Rate | 02-23-2014 18:00 by Lewis S. Comments (0)  




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