Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Malaysia Air uses Waze Maps

   Why has no Media source asked J. J. Abrams where Malaysia flight 370 is?

   We men love two women; the one is the creation of our imagination and the other is not yet born.

   I'd probably go to church if all the women wore yoga pants. And they were all hot. And it was at a bar. A free bar. Amen.

   It's my birthday on St Patrick's Day and I'm gonna be drunk all weekend! LET'S GET READY TO STUMMMMBLLLLE!

   This could turn out to be one hell of an April Fools joke if Malaysia Airlines pulls it off...

   My new girlfriend takes my breath away...she's insatiable and inflatable....then, sadly, I poked her.

   Scientists can't decide if eggs are bad for you, how many planets we have, or how old the Earth is....let alone what began the universe. Based on their lack of consistency and plausibility, I'm going with the God theory.

   You don't know heartbreak until you see the waiter coming to your table with food but then take a sharp turn to a different table.

   After watching for over fifteen minutes, I don't think that RuPaul's Drag Race has anything to do with automobiles

   FUN PRANK: Go to a Barnes & Noble, and put ALL of the Bibles in the SCI-FI Section...

   So how long do I have to microwave this spider before I let it bite me?

   Back seat drivers are all the same..."Why we going into the woods?" "Let me out"

   Women have 2 guys in their life.. The one they are screwing, and the one they should be screwing.

   Lost is actually being played out in real life.

   Actions speak louder than Facebook posts...

   it be cool if that Malaysia plane appeared with Amelia Earhart flying it back

   Apple/Google store just came out with a new app called "Find My I-plane"

   “Wow, this relationship is really rocky. I bet a wedding and baby will solve everything!” - Women logic.

   I've already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.