Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   Omg I'm so hungry I could eat my ex wife's cooking while sitting at the table with my ex mother in law!

   Hello? Mother Nature? Yes I would like to cancel my monthly subscription...Ah, I can't do that before 40 years are up? No I would not like to transfer to the 9 month plan....

   Define birthday :-the only day in your life.....when your mother smiled when you cried.

   My mom still hasn't gotten her Mother's Day card, the post office wasn't lying when they sold me the "forever" stamp.

   I remmeber last year at christmas my ex girlfriend was so pissed that I gave her mother a mustache trimmer.

   HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER - I was shopping for condoms and she asked if I knew how to use them.

   Hey status messages auto correct, stop tampering with my swear words, you mother forklift.

   She got her looks from her mother.....she was a plastic surgeon

   The problem with having so many followers is that simple jokes are now beneath me. Like your mother.

   Just remember nobody's perfect...Cuz i'm sure even Mother Teresa blamed her fart on a kid or two...

   Don't confuse fame with success. Kim Kardashian is one; Mother Teresa is the other.

   Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding her baby girl, saying, "If you mess with the chicklet, you mess with the momma hen." I have no idea what the hell this means for my future, but I'm a bit scared.

   Necessity is the mother of invention. The Kama Sutra was created because no one should have to "reach enlightenment" in missionary position.

   just came back from a pleasure trip....itook my mother in-law to the airport!

   My mother texted me "What does IDK, LY,& TTYL means? I answered: I don't know, love u, talk to you later. Mother: Ok I'll ask your sister

   Cop to a hooker: What would your mother do if she seen you out here doing this? Hooker: She'd kill me, this is her corner.

   If a lawyer and your mother-in-law were drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go watch TV or just have a drink?

   Wow...Im sittin at work watchin the snow fall... Its friggin October! Mother Nature must of finally hit menopause.. That fridgid b!tch made it snow!! Bring fall back!!!

   ‎2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout "air in the hands mother stickers this is a f**k up!!!!

   Next time the bully asks you for your lunch money, tell him you left it on his mother's dresser.