Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The car seats in your Neon really accentuate your gangsta lean bro.

   If you tell me you're gonna "hop in the shower," I'll picture you naked, hopping around in the shower like an idiot.

   Can we have a song about being happy that doesn't involve clapping?

   Do kids today even realize what great Buubs the Activia lady used to have?

   can you just let us believe in who we want to.. quit trying to convince us otherwise

   my dyslexic neighbor keeps looking for his god

   Quit crying, kid. I won this Easter egg hunt fair and square...

   So many porcupines... so little poop.

   religion? um, ha, no. i'm not really into the idea of letting a set of ancient rules dictate my life. 

   On a scale from 1 to 420.. How much Easter candy are you eating right now?

   Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?

   A little known fact from the Bible is that between his resurrection and his ascension into heaven, Jesus ate nothing but brains.

   Easter falls on 4/20 this year...... Easter Bunny is going to have completely different grass in his basket!

   So if Jesus sees his shadow when he comes out of his cave can we finally have spring?

   The only rabbit I like on Easter is the one that's plastic and vibrates

   Going to the movies to watch Oculus today like the good lord intended

   The whole resurrecting from the dead thing is too hard for kids to grasp. Egg sh*tting bunny? Yeah lets go with the egg sh*tting bunny.

   On Easter Sunday when Jesus came forth from the tomb and ascended into heaven he was technically moving back in with his parents.

   God isn't the problem. The problem is his fan club.

   There is a thick line between ok sex and awesome sex.