Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon "How much for the rosary?" "Sir, those are an@l beads."
←Rate | 06-11-2014 08:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's been so long since I've gone to church, I couldn't even tell you what year God wrote the bible.
←Rate | 06-11-2014 08:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You don't have to agree with me to be my friend. I don't have to agree with you to like you. I like good sensible people and if you are good people with common sense, I like you!
←Rate | 06-11-2014 00:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're like the abacus of people. No one counts on you anymore.
←Rate | 06-11-2014 00:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Listen, you're a great girl. I'm sure you'll find the right filter for your selfies someday.
←Rate | 06-11-2014 00:32 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first thing I do in a relationship is panic.
←Rate | 06-11-2014 00:30 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon The closest I get to exercising is buying running shoes online
←Rate | 06-11-2014 00:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How was I to know you were tying your shoelaces and not proposing?
←Rate | 06-11-2014 00:29 by Sandy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I remember when the NBA was full of basketball players and not academy award whiners
←Rate | 06-10-2014 23:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline,,, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on her wall again.
←Rate | 06-10-2014 21:52 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon MOM,,, Even the Cookie Monster WON'T EAT AN OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIE
←Rate | 06-10-2014 21:03 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon About to try ordering subway without saying um... Wish me luck!
←Rate | 06-10-2014 20:46 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why can't people tolerate a touch of their own medicine?
←Rate | 06-10-2014 18:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You'll know right away what they want. You'll just pretend you don't.
←Rate | 06-10-2014 14:24 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Justin Bieber was "Baptized" last night.... Or as the church likes to call it... "A failed attempt to drown Bieber"
←Rate | 06-10-2014 14:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd much rather crash the bachelor party than the wedding.
←Rate | 06-10-2014 13:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
←Rate | 06-10-2014 12:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When did Marie Osmond become a Dietician?
←Rate | 06-10-2014 08:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
←Rate | 06-10-2014 05:13 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wanted to put an England flag up outside my house but couldn't find one anywhere, luckily the old french soldier who lives next door gave me his flag and I just painted a red cross on it!
←Rate | 06-10-2014 04:25 Comments (0)  




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