Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1918 of 6446

"How much for the rosary?" "Sir, those are an@l beads."
←Rate |
06-11-2014 08:19
Comments (0)

It's been so long since I've gone to church, I couldn't even tell you what year God wrote the bible.
←Rate |
06-11-2014 08:18
Comments (0)

You don't have to agree with me to be my friend. I don't have to agree with you to like you. I like good sensible people and if you are good people with common sense, I like you!
←Rate |
06-11-2014 00:45
Comments (0)

You're like the abacus of people. No one counts on you anymore.
←Rate |
06-11-2014 00:35
Comments (0)

Listen, you're a great girl. I'm sure you'll find the right filter for your selfies someday.
←Rate |
06-11-2014 00:32 by Baddie
Comments (0)

The first thing I do in a relationship is panic.
←Rate |
06-11-2014 00:30 by Czovczov
Comments (0)

The closest I get to exercising is buying running shoes online
←Rate |
06-11-2014 00:30
Comments (0)

How was I to know you were tying your shoelaces and not proposing?
←Rate |
06-11-2014 00:29 by Sandy
Comments (0)

I remember when the NBA was full of basketball players and not academy award whiners
←Rate |
06-10-2014 23:02
Comments (0)

Meanwhile, Somewhere farther down on your timeline,,, your aunt just posted the "Footprints" poem on her wall again.
←Rate |
06-10-2014 21:52 by snotty
Comments (0)

MOM,,, Even the Cookie Monster WON'T EAT AN OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIE
←Rate |
06-10-2014 21:03 by snotty
Comments (0)

About to try ordering subway without saying um... Wish me luck!
←Rate |
06-10-2014 20:46 by snotty
Comments (0)

Why can't people tolerate a touch of their own medicine?
←Rate |
06-10-2014 18:51
Comments (0)

You'll know right away what they want. You'll just pretend you don't.
←Rate |
06-10-2014 14:24
Comments (0)

Justin Bieber was "Baptized" last night.... Or as the church likes to call it... "A failed attempt to drown Bieber"
←Rate |
06-10-2014 14:22
Comments (0)

I'd much rather crash the bachelor party than the wedding.
←Rate |
06-10-2014 13:41
Comments (0)

I forgot to pay my bill to the exorcist and so I got re-possesed.
←Rate |
06-10-2014 12:31
Comments (0)

When did Marie Osmond become a Dietician?
←Rate |
06-10-2014 08:42
Comments (0)

Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.

I wanted to put an England flag up outside my house but couldn't find one anywhere, luckily the old french soldier who lives next door gave me his flag and I just painted a red cross on it!
←Rate |
06-10-2014 04:25
Comments (0)