Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1891 of 6446

Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn't know you did that for fun.
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06-30-2014 02:21
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Twitter is the government's elaborate plan to keep us all off the streets
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06-30-2014 02:20
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You can only push me so far before I breakdance.
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06-30-2014 02:13
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Cat hair is lonely people glitter.
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06-30-2014 01:55 by Baddie
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Cutting the fat off bacon is like cutting the bacon off bacon.
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06-30-2014 01:52 by Baddie
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Facebook crushes are all fun and games until someone buys a plane ticket.
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06-30-2014 01:48 by Baddie
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I've seen homeless guys who keep their boxes in better shape than some girls keep theirs.
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06-30-2014 01:34 by Baddie
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It's all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it's voodoo dolls and arson reports.
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06-30-2014 01:32
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I am not saying you have to love me. I am just saying the duct tape will come off quicker if you do.
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06-30-2014 01:31
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Somebody should tell Forrest Gump that on the back of the box of chocolates it tells you exactly what you're going to get.
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06-30-2014 01:29 by Baddie
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Obama has added a new amendment to our constitution by exec order: No taxation without representation...unless said representation doesn't pass every law Obama wants passed.
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06-29-2014 23:14
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Dear air conditioning: I don't think I've ever truly expressed how grateful I am for you. Now please keep cranking out that cold air.......
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06-29-2014 16:44 by sully
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You cannot suck your own lollipop............. man if I could I would never leave home!
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06-29-2014 16:37
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There was shootings and stabbings surround the BET Awards? You dont say. In other news, meteorologist suggest it "may be hott" today in the Safari Desert.
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06-29-2014 15:25
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Have you tried being more dramatic? Maybe that will work.
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06-29-2014 14:10
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How much for the death sentence? Sir, this is a marriage license.
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06-29-2014 14:01 by Baddie
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Have you tried turning it off and turning it on again and throwing yourself down a flight of stairs in a furious tear-filled rage?
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06-29-2014 14:00
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There are 2 types of people I don't like: 1) Those who complain constantly and blame others for all that's wrong with their life, and 2) Everyone else...
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06-29-2014 13:06
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If a soccer player falls in the forest & no one is around, do they still writhe around displaying Oscar worthy performances of pain and grimacing on the ground acting like their shin or their knee exploded? like watching JFK get shot
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06-29-2014 09:22
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I am all for self-belief, self-worth, self-esteem but a woman declaring herself hot and complementing herself on her own beauty smacks of serious desperation, delusion and self-conceit.
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06-29-2014 08:22
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