Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1827 of 6386
No relationship is perfect so you might as well pick the perfect person you want to go through hell with
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07-02-2014 13:18
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Wimbledon 2014 - My wife is a big tennis fan and was telling me how distracting she find the constant grunting noises during the women's matches. I promised her I will stop.
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07-02-2014 13:17
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The best thing about living in the southern U.S. is that "He needed killing" is a valid legal defense.
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07-02-2014 09:42
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For invisible powers that actually work maybe churches should consider installing wifi.
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07-02-2014 09:35
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[at job interview] "As I explained to everyone in the lobby, if I get the job, I'll buy pants. It's simple."
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07-02-2014 09:33
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I am just here spooning my girlfriend out of her container. Eating Ice cream
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07-02-2014 09:27
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Happy Hump Day! Hemp. Darn auto correct.
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07-02-2014 06:47
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Dogs are tough. I’ve been interrogating this one for hours and he still won’t tell me who is a good boy
Bad luck last night USA, never mind, you'll do better in the American Football World Cup - oh, wait.......
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07-02-2014 04:15 by Webbie
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here comes the brainless jihadists who have sold their brains for virgins
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07-02-2014 01:39
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Barack Obama walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says where did you get that. The duck replied "Kenya"
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07-01-2014 23:34
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"Yes, I need to check in." "Sir, this is a burn unit." "Yeah, I got hit hard with a battle of the bulge joke about a month ago, and I still have no comeback."
I just got stuck in my office chair, and now I'm breathing into a paper bag..
I'm going to have a salad for dinner. And by that I mean a bowl of ranch dressing and a beer.
Personally, I think failure should be an option
one of my aunts called me #oomf on facebook so naturally I blocked her
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07-01-2014 21:58 by fedogs
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Did you hear that? That was the sound of soccer being irrelevant in the US for another 4 years..
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07-01-2014 18:14
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Happiness in not seeing your enemy's face.
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07-01-2014 16:10
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Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.
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07-01-2014 14:37
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According to his wife, Rolf Harris has been painting since the day of his arrest - his cell is going to look lovely! Hope you rot in hell Rolf...
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07-01-2014 11:48
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