friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   I bet Jesus was pissed that he missed the whole weekend and then woke up on a Sunday when the liquor stores are closed.

   It's Friday! The only two who aren't excited about that are my bank account and my liver.

   Goodbye Memorial Day weekend. Like a fifth of Vodka and a handful of prescription painkillers you made Monday more bearable......

   Please drink responsibly this weekend and don't drink and dri......Wait this is Facebook, most of you probably won't leave the house! ... Good talk!

   According to Facebook, some people I don't remember are grilling this weekend.

   If 40 is the new 30, then Monday is the new Friday.

   completely worn out after spending the whole weekend at a genital jamboree.

   A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday...

   I hate it when me and my subconscious is having a heated debate...and just when I come up with good comebacks, it thinks up a even better one! I thought about drinking on Friday, subconscious said "how about now!".... good one!

   Thursday: Friday's younger, yet equally attractive sister

   Fatass Quanicka ruined Casual Friday for every this past Friday......Sh e wore shorts

   It's Friday for me and Monday for my liver.

   Every weekend I participate in a liquid cleanse diet... with beer.

   Friday Night Pick Up Line: Either stop being so attractive or make out with me, it is your choice.

   I know every day is a gift, but where's the receipt for Mondays? I want to exchange it for another Friday.

   FUN FACT: Trying to find a shortcut out of IKEA on the weekend was the inspiration for the ending of The Shawshank Redemption.

   If everybody's working for the weekend that means someone has been working for the week and they need to be stopped.

   On Friday nights I visit a club so exclusive nobody else knows it exists. It looks bizarrely like my living room & needs new cleaning staff.

   Men it’s simple. Work all day, fix things in the evenings, paint the house, wash the cars and dogs on the weekend and give us 100% of your attention…

   Friday instantly puts you in a good mood...