Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1796 of 6386
People accept that God exists & created the universe without evidence or proof but if you tell them Facebook is down they immediately check.
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08-02-2014 12:39
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I'm just a girl with a big butt, searching for a man who cannot lie.
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08-02-2014 12:26
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I bet Ke$ha's parents, €arl and £inda, are super ashamed of her.
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08-02-2014 12:25 by Baddie
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The kiss of death is what happens after the "I do's"
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08-02-2014 12:24
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Hitchhikers won't kill you if you kill them first.
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08-02-2014 12:18 by Baddie
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Sorry, but the lifestyle that you ordered is currently out of stock. Please select another...
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08-02-2014 12:13
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The music stopped for a second in the strip club and everyone heard me opening my Velcro wallet.
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08-02-2014 09:33
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Just opened the freezer and the vodka literally rolled out into my hands, no way I could ignore this sign from god.
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08-02-2014 08:53
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When you have the opportunity to become a bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
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08-02-2014 08:52
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The best thing about drinking wine in a box is when you finish it, you can unfold the box and break dance on it....
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08-02-2014 08:43 by scottyp
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Actually, this is my first rodeo. Why is that angry cow trying to kill me?
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08-02-2014 08:31
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I don't even pick up the soap after I drop it in my own shower. There's just something about me I don't trust.
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08-02-2014 08:29 by Baddie
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It's ok, other ethnic groups. I'm afraid of drunk white chicks, too.
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08-02-2014 08:27
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The Brown Bear is similar to the Black Bear in most respects, however the Black Bear has a slightly more intricate handshake.
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08-02-2014 08:23
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I'm in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy
Dogs are a man's best friend because they don't talk.
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08-02-2014 08:18
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I'm sorry for what I said before I had my coffee.
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08-02-2014 06:43
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Do not mess with bears. You'll be their victim. Yogi Bear wears clothes. Where did he get his clothes?,,, That's right - a victim
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08-02-2014 06:40 by snotty
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How to solve all the children crossing the southern border illegally, put all the registered sex offenders and pedifiles there to give them candy and greet them!
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08-02-2014 02:44 by Lil-David
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facebook has allowed me to bring my "he's a distraction to the rest of the class" from school to a global scale
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08-01-2014 19:49 by flinnie
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