Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Don't just tell her she is beautiful, make her believe it. Then slap her ass and tell her to keep up the good f*cking work.

   I'm surprised the FHRITP guy is not at Ferguson screaming his catch phrase on the news...

   I just saw the trailer for the upcoming motion picture "Exodus". I guess guy-liner was the thing in ancient Egyptian times.

   Travelocity search: "Ferguson" other people who have searched Ferguson have searched Beirut, Kabul, and Detroit.

   "BRING ME THE FETUS' OF 3 CHICKENS.".. *Maniacal stare..."Listen dude, its called an omelette,a 3 egg omelette"... "AND THE BLOOD OF 4 ORANGES"

   They should wait until tomorrow morning to announce the verdict so everyone in Ferguson will be at work. Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

   What time does that rioting and looting reality show start tonight?

   Tonight seems like the perfect night to stay home, pop up some popcorn, veg in front of the TV and watch Ferguson burn to the ground.

   in my opinion, a camel's back seems like a very inefficient way to transport straws,,, but I might be a bit biased here.

   “I shall always cherish my initial misconceptions of you.”

   ♪ ♫ "Oh come all ye looters Joyful and on welfare Come ye oh come ye to Ferguson."

   If you don't have anything interesting to say, say it in a status update.

   Did you know that the average person gains 4 pounds between Thanksgiving and Christmas? Good thing my mom told me I would never be average.

   If I ever go blind, I'll wear two eyepatches, so people will just assume I am a double pirate.

   I saw that veterans got a free meal at Golden Corral on Veterans Day. Why?... Haven't those poor guys been through enough?

   Naughty phrases you can say on thanksgiving: "Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"..."It's a little dry, do you still wanna eat it??" "You still have some on your chin"..."If I don't undo my pants I'm gonna bust!!"

   Black Friday is the American version of running with the bulls

   I'm sure we all remember those days when we thought porn was also available on youTube

   In other news, no 12 y/o's riding their bikes got shot today.

   Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.