Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1726 of 6385
Making a list of people I want to visit after catching Ebola.
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10-15-2014 15:30
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Guys, when you say "you graduated from the school of hard knocks", we hear "dumb and poor..."
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10-15-2014 14:34
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Texting wasn't always easy, in my day you had to work for it...You had to want it...You need an S? You better click that 7 button four times
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10-15-2014 14:01
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I think the CDC Director needs to resign and let Dr. House save us all from Ebola.....
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10-15-2014 09:38 by sully
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I accidentally typed my symptoms into IMDB instead of WebMD,, and it told me I have Gary Busey.
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10-15-2014 07:34 by snotty
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IS + Ebola = Problem Solved
You can tell it's fall. I look like I'm searching for landmines when I'm looking for dog crap in my back yard under the leaves.......but alas, I found one with my shoe!!!!
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10-14-2014 20:56
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You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things, like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
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10-14-2014 19:00
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Wife: do these jeans make me look fat? Husband: nope it's not the jeans
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10-14-2014 15:50
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Nothing moves faster than a girl untagging herself from an ugly picture :)
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10-14-2014 15:28 by Frank
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We're taught from a young age that we need to work hard to achieve success, riches, or fame in life. Then we grow up to see sh****gs like Snooki, the Situation and the Kardashians. You know... People who have never done anything!
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10-14-2014 15:02 by John Y
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The over spray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
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10-14-2014 15:01
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You could have just said you weren't having sex, you didn't have to wear crocs.
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10-14-2014 14:36 by Baddie
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Whenever I see a tweet written in arabic or something I star and retweet it just for fun. Now the FBI wants to talk to me.
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10-14-2014 14:31
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Why would anyone make babies when they can make nachos?
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10-14-2014 14:26
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Don't ever mistake me for someone who hasn't flirted with danger. I've got bitten by a Penguin. Twice.
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10-14-2014 14:17
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Three words to ruin a woman's ego. "I can't tell."
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10-14-2014 13:23
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If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants,,, expect A LOT of text messages
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10-14-2014 13:15 by snotty
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Three words to ruin a man's ego. "Is it in?"
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10-14-2014 12:23
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Waiting 30 seconds for a Youtube Ad feels a bit too much like a long term relationship.
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10-14-2014 10:14
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