Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Shoot 4 more and we can take the whole week off - white folks

   I love you like white folks love the Kardashians.

   I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.

   How much dope did the dope dealer deal when the dope dealer did deal dope?

   Respect cost you nothing.....but disrespect can cost you your mfn life

   I'm at an age where I no longer want to marry a doctor for his money, but rather for the prescription medications he can provide.

   Call me a critic but I would just about guarantee that the idiot selling seashells down by the seashore is a product of the No Child Left Behind Act.

   Hey NFL, why all the domestic violence ads? We're not the ones beating up women, you are.

   24 astronauts were born in Ohio. What is about your state that makes people want to flee the Earth?

   You think the colts are going to win? You better Belichick yourself before you wreck yourself

   All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz and I'm fine.

   I have a dream that one day I won't have to work on MLK Day.

   Q: how do you know your house was robbed by a white guy? A: When everything is still there.

   Sticks and stones may hurt my bones but names will never hurt me....simple advice to Islamic extremist, but it's hard to reason will those that believe there's a bevy of virgins waiting for them upon death

   In the epic battle of good vs evil, politicians are double agents.

   If two Chocolate bars are stuck together it counts as one - so shut up please!

   "IT'S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON'T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.

   That girl who sells seashells by the seashore is a moron

   I remember simpler times, when George Michael was straight, Prince was gay, and Catholic Priests could be trusted with young boys.

   Just my normal Saturday, trimming my bonsai tree and teachin' the new kid in my building some karate