Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1613 of 6384
To make a long story short quit right in the middle
It's so cold I look forward to getting a fever!
←Rate |
02-20-2015 05:09
Comments (0)
Look, nobody can tell the sex of your baby, so please either pierce it's ears or draw a mustache on that ambiguous little mother f*cker
If global warming gets any worse we're all going to freeze to death!
←Rate |
02-19-2015 18:49 by Sully
Comments (0)
Playing Trivia Crack. The question was, "What is the irrational fear of elevators? In hindsight Rice-traphobia is obviously wrong.
←Rate |
02-19-2015 14:44 by BWood
Comments (0)
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so aparently my soul mate is still out there.
←Rate |
02-19-2015 14:11
Comments (0)
Sorry about dinner. I tried to follow the recipe, but I think we are out of "oven".
←Rate |
02-19-2015 11:38
Comments (0)
I'm in my 30's, but I still feel like I'm in my 20's until I hang out with people in their 20's and I'm like, "nope, I'm in my 30's"
←Rate |
02-19-2015 11:32
Comments (1)
I don't eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I'll have to $hit more at work.
←Rate |
02-19-2015 08:45
Comments (0)
I’m about to eat gas station breakfast.....tell my family that I love them.
←Rate |
02-19-2015 07:09 by guest-TJ
Comments (0)
Having sex with your ex on a Thursday isn't cheating, it's a throwback.
←Rate |
02-18-2015 22:46
Comments (0)
What’s the opposite of terrorism? Atheism.
←Rate |
02-18-2015 21:15
Comments (0)
I just put on a jacket I last wore at a wedding in 2002. And found Nokia 3210 in the pocket. It still has 2 bars of battery left.
←Rate |
02-18-2015 21:12 by BEGO
Comments (0)
I think my mailman is stealing my Nigerian lottery checks.
←Rate |
02-18-2015 21:09
Comments (0)
50 Shades of Laze - My weekend plans
←Rate |
02-18-2015 20:36
Comments (0)
Experts think the Oscar for best picture will go to Boyhood or Bird-man. Kanye West thinks it will go to Beyoncé.
Million Dollar Idea: An inner-city 24 hour breakfast restaurant named "Malcolm Eggs"
←Rate |
02-18-2015 20:04
Comments (0)
Since I get so much crap in the mail, I have decided to make my mailbox the trash can.........
←Rate |
02-18-2015 17:01
Comments (0)
Anyone who invites me to play one of those letter games will get the letters F and U.
←Rate |
02-18-2015 15:47
Comments (0)
Next time I see a car with like, 90 stick children on it,I am taping a condom to the window.
←Rate |
02-18-2015 15:04
Comments (0)