father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   thinks that the mother and father bear from Goldilocks and the 3 bears had some relationship issues as evident from the fact that they had separate beds!

   not sure what's worse.... finding out Darth Vader is your father or remembering that the day before you were trying to f*ck your sister??

   I don't fear dating a younger woman, it's her father and his shotgun I have problems with.

   Maury: "Darth Vader, you.... ARE the father." Luke: "Nooooo!"

   I don't care what happens when FATHER catches DAUGHTER on her WEBCAM! Stop posting that darn link to my wall!!

   No clean cereal bowls? Line a strainer with plastic wrap. Laziness is the father of invention.

   Any boy can be a dad but only a real man can be a father

   In the past seven days, 1 friend of mine gave birth, 1 buried his father, 1 buried her brother, 1 died, 1 got divorced, 2 got married, 1 quit his job, 1 got fired and 6 celebrated birthdays. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm f*cking exhausted.

   In the rest of World When The boy meets the father its a Nice warm Welcome. In the south, The dad comes out with a gun and says boy you better treat my daughter right.(:

   Little girl asked her father,do all fairy tales begin with Once upon a time?The father replied,No, some begin with - If elected I promise..

   Why do we sleep in church, but stay awake through a 2 hour movie?? Why is it so hard to talk to God, but so easy to gossip??Jesus said "If you deny me in front of your friends, I will deny YOU in front of my Father.

   The Democrats finally came forward and ruined Chelsey Clinton's life with the news that Janet Reno is actually her father.

   When I was a kid, my father sat me down and told me he had some pictures to show me that would help me to remember to always wear a condom.... Funny thing is that all the pics were of me

   My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet

   wondering if Sugar Daddies get anything for Father's Day?

   a single father of about 4 million kids swimming around fighting to make it to their mother's egg

   Happy Father's Day to all the Dads who went out to get some milk, and actually came back home.

   so far so good.... no unexpected father's day cards or presents!

   Happy Father's Day to all of the guys who have a kid and don't know about it.

   enjoying deleting friends on Father's Day. I'm pretending I'm disowning my children.