Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I'm was doing Bikram yoga today. By that I mean I was in the back of a hot car trying to contort myself enough to vacuum under the front passenger seat.
←Rate | 05-16-2015 06:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You obviously did not see either Adama, Baltar, or Roislyn wearing glasses
←Rate | 05-16-2015 01:28 by @Tuxxer Comments (0)  


   messageicon You ever wonder why eye glasses don't exist in the future? Star Wars? No glasses. Star Trek? No glasses. Battle Star Galatica? No glasses. No one wears glasses in the future! Something to look forward to.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 22:46 by IPLSPORTS Comments (2)  


   messageicon If one more person posts "The thrill is gone" or "The Edge fell off the edge" I'm gonna scream. #sheeple
←Rate | 05-15-2015 21:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One more mood swing and I'll have the whole set.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 17:21 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Older women are why I don't like younger women.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 15:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man at the dog park: Who's a good girl? WHOSAGOODGIRRRRLLL???? Me: *looks around* *slowly raises hand*
←Rate | 05-15-2015 15:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bae is short for Retarded, right?
←Rate | 05-15-2015 15:16 Comments (1)  


   messageicon How come MOM'S and dad's only get one day and Sharks get a whole week??
←Rate | 05-15-2015 15:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to wear a stethascope around my neck so that when there is a medical emergency people learn a valuable lesson about false assumptions.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 13:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No thanks 5 Hour Energy drink. Work is 8 hours, I'll just stick to cocaine.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 13:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Laughing is the best medicine but if you are laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 12:20 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hockey is much better if you imagine the teams are fighting over the world’s last Oreo
←Rate | 05-15-2015 10:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Welcome to laser noises club. Please take a pew.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 10:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [walking up to birthday party] Kid: "Dad, these are all the cool kids. Don't embarass me." Dad: "I hear ya dawg" *puts baseball hat on backwards*
←Rate | 05-15-2015 10:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't boo at people after bad sex, how do you expect to motivate them to get better?
←Rate | 05-15-2015 10:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Holy crap guys!!!! Only one more week until Tiffany from Facebook is in Mexico drinking with her besties!!!
←Rate | 05-15-2015 10:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hell hath no fury" because women have it all.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 10:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Friend: "Tattoos are so addicting" Me: "You drink, smoke, and watch porn all day. I don't think self-control is your thing"
←Rate | 05-15-2015 10:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Do you have a jelly fish sting?" "Do YOU have a jelly fish sting?" "Do YOU have a jelly fish sting" ~ R. Kelly at the beach.
←Rate | 05-15-2015 10:24 Comments (0)  




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