life Funny Status Messages

   "I looooove him, I caaaaan't live without him, he is my life" No you don't, your 22, and you met him 6 days ago. Take your dramatic a$$ somewhere else.

   If people winked in real life as much as they wink in texts, the world would be an extremely creepy place. ;)

   It's better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho the rest of your life.

   Some people think football is a matter of life and death. I assure you, it's much more serious than that.

   Gonna steal one of those "No interest for 12 months" signs from a store...and hang it on my life.

   Life Lesson number 1, There is a time each month when a man would rather face death in a 20ft snow drift than spend a day with his significant other. Thank god for 4 wheel drive

   My wife and I have are talking about renewing our vows. Or as I like to call it, getting a double life sentence.

   Things not to say life lesson 586: Asking your wifes attorney " If your here then who's running hell?" Is not so much a good idea

   if people were as nice to each other in real life as they were in Facebook comments, think how different the world would be.

   My greatest regret in life is not being a billionaire.

   Life Lesson 585: I should write a book about things not to say: Like, it is very unwise for someone to tell a lady struggling with a diet that they would actually loose 10lbs by shaving their back hair. The doctors tell me I should be able to walk again

   Confucious say, "Women's panties not best thing in life, but next to best thing in life."

   Some things are meant to be just once in a life time. -Sincerely, One Night Stand

   S.C.H.O.O.L. = Seven Crappy Hours Of Our Life

   Charlie Sheen appears to be the real life Glen Quagmire. Giggity!

   So you need some excitement in her life? Go buy a pet hippo or badger. Problem solved!

   When life knocks me down, I call her a b*tch and walk away. She hates it when I call her that

   I was gonna listen to that last lame song you posted, but then, um, I just carried on living my life.

   I wish comicbook disguises worked in real life. A pair of glasses would open some many possiblities for me.

   life is really not that hard; consider the daffodil....While you are doing that, I will steal your wallet.