Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1514 of 6384
The NAACP: Now with no artificial colors.
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06-15-2015 14:33 by Wayne U
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Between Bruce (Caitlyn) Jenner and Rachel (NAACP) Dolezal I am now thoroughly convinced that I am a black woman trapped in a white mans body! Mmmmhmm! Hooooo Damn! Girl!
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06-15-2015 14:06 by Douglas
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I don't have tattoos for the same reason I don't have children -- I'm afraid if someone tells me they're ugly, I won't want them anymore.
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06-15-2015 13:52
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Judge: You're sentenced to death. You'll be hung. Wife from the back: HE'S ALREADY HUNG. Me: Your Honor uncuff me so I can high five my wife
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06-15-2015 13:47
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Wait come back, I didn't mean it when I was just being myself.
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06-15-2015 13:45 by Czovczov
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Twitter is a fun, safe place to share your feelings if you don't mind being told to go kill yourself.
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06-15-2015 13:43
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Welcome to Chopped. Your mystery basket ingredients are four of your exes, from which you must create one decent human being.
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06-15-2015 13:42 by Psycho
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20mph school zones are only making our children's reaction time worse.
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06-15-2015 13:27 by Baddie
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I rather be proven wrong scientifically than lied to religously.
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06-15-2015 11:44
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Her: Real men like curves. Me: No. Real men like whatever the (bleep) they want.
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06-15-2015 11:36 by DeeX
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It's my birthday!! These crazy woman sending me all these flowers it look like a funeral up in here
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06-15-2015 10:58 by L
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I've outsourced my LIKES, Birthday wishes and comments on your post and pics to a firm in India. So if Sanjay isn't showing you enough love, please let me know right away.
I can't wait until people start posting pics of the temperature display in their car. I'm waiting on pins and needles to see how hot it is where you are.
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06-15-2015 09:49
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I think a Gordon Ramsey GPS would be great! "You missed the turn you stupid cow!"
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06-15-2015 07:58
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Remember, everyday is a gift from God. Except Mondays, the Devil sneaks that one in
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06-15-2015 07:23 by MWC
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Catholic school taught me two things: One is that God loves me and I'm going to burn in hell. The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on Earth and I should save it for someone I love.
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06-15-2015 07:16
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I wrote "except zombies" on my welcome mat so I know I'll be safe during a zombie apocalypse.
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06-14-2015 20:37
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If you can't handle me at my worst then that sucks because that's all there is to me.
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06-14-2015 14:09
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There's this woman I like, but I think she's gay cause she's very fond of arseholes.
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06-14-2015 10:59
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Sometimes life is cruel and other times you're unconscious.
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06-13-2015 13:02
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