Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Once you get to know me, you'll agree that I have the refluxes of a cat...."...you mean REFLEX? "... *I cough up hairball on the floor & run away

   Well I guess Caitlyn Jenner missed out on both Mother and Father's Day this year....

   Happy Father's Day, God!

   Enters gynecologist's exam room wearing a lab coat and giant foam finger

   Happy Father's Day, Bruce Jenner!

   6 yrs now the dogs have forgotten fathers day...not even a hug..

   Well, it's that time of the year again when the $150 a week I invest in child maintenance finally pays off by providing me with a pair of socks.

   What an idiot that Maury is, inviting me onto his "Father's Day DNA special"..... I don't even have any kids.

   You mean didn't exist I assume.. You're correct.

   Cain killed Abel by bashing him over the head with a rock. Guns would not be invented for another 8000 years or so.

   I don't watch porn; I can't get over the frustration that the pizza they ordered is getting cold.

   I'm beginning to feel jealous of you and your pics with your dads...I don't get to see mine til tomorrow when he delivers the milk

   Do the Kardashians have to buy Bruce Jenner a gift on both Mothers Day and Fathers Day now?

   Happy Father's Day, Caitlyn Jenner!!!!

   Kanye West calls himself Yeezus because he can turn, "Not winning a Grammy Award" into whine.

   If time is money Facebook owes me like...29 billion dollars...

   It's also amazing how someday, someone walks out of your life and you wonder how the hell you lived with them!!

   The most interesting thing about me is my lack of interest.

   Dad, I love how we don't even have to say out loud that I'm your favorite.

   My Dad sends his love because he thinks I know you all personally.