life Funny Status Messages

   When life knocks me down, instead of getting back up I usually lie there and take a nap.

   Pin Up Boards - A good reminder to let you know you're getting old or that you have too much Sh*t going on in your life that you need to remember!!!

   Jesus is the way, the truth and the life!

   Life is like photography, we develop from the negatives.

   My life can be summed up in an overwhelming urge to wash my hands.

   When writing the story of your life... Don't let anyone hold the pen!!!

   believes there are two great rules in life: 1.) Never tell everything at once.

   Since Two And A Half Men has been cancelled Charlie Sheen should star in his own reality show titled Two And A Half Brain Cells ~ My Life Filled With Drunken Binges, Being Wasted On Cocaine and Paying For Expensive Hookers.

   Just because you're an adult doesn't mean you can't use "eenie-meenie-miney-moe to help make important life decisions

   You don't want to look back on your life and say, "I just made it through."

   If I could slow down real life , like the fights scenes on a fighting movie . I would punch people more often .

   Life's like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you have to stick your finger in a few before you find the one that's right for you....

   Our relationship with life itself is compared to a kidnapping situation. The only choice we have is to suffer from Stockholm Syndrome which means that if we don't symphatize with our kidnapper, it will screw us all up.

   thinks Twitter spoils us... if only we could limit people in real life to 140 characters or less.

   One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

   Things were simpler when everything in my life fit perfectly inside my awesome Trapper Keeper.

   I JUST SAW SOMETHING THAT HAS CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER. THREE SIMPLE WORDS....... ON NBC ..... "RIVERDANCE ON ICE"..... YOU HAD ME AT RIVER...

   Justin Bieber was shot last night!!! Well, on an episode of CSI. If only art could imitate real life for once, this would be the time!

   I think for just about everybody, at some point in your life, there's one teacher you had a secret crush on. For me, it's my wife's aerobic teacher.

   When things in your life don't add up, use math. It solves problems!