Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Black Friday Separating Americans from money they don't really have since 1966.

   I bet Payton Mannings family is going to have a hard time eating today. Every time someone asks him to pass the turkey, it's going to get intercepted

   I would say Happy Thanksgiving but no one cares cuz they're hungover

   A word from our sponsors. Gobble, gobble, gobble. Because it's Thanksgiving and gobble, gobble. . .

   Consumerism has a religious day called Black Friday.

   Do you, Karen, take David the Optometrist to be your lawfully wedded husband, for better or worse? Better... or worse?... How about now?,,, Better... or worse?

   "Hey, Mr Tambourine Man, play a song for me."...*shakes tambourine ... "Got any others?"... *shakes tambourine... "Hmmm,,, Sounds a lot like the last one"

   *Airplane PA.... "Arrr, this be yer cap'n speaking"... *covers microphone... [muffled] "Dangit Roger,, you have it set on autopirate again"

   FOR THE LAST TIME, MY EYES ARE UP HERE !!!........... I yelled at my gynecologist

   The Superfriends hang out in the Hall of Justice, but has any villain ever actually been brought to justice there? Any indictment?Arraignment? Jury selection? Trail? How about for child support, alimony, probate, speeding ticket, overdue library book?

   It's a shame if girls think Victoria's Secret models are every guys' dream. We're not in the fifth grade anymore. Go ahead and eat that last chicken wing, babygirl. You're gorgeous.

   If God wanted me to be a Vegan, he wouldn't have made chickens so damn delicious!

   Apparently, the biatch at my wife's job was being such a biatch today because something, something,,,, we hate her.

   You know you a hood rat when you can't participate in Black Friday because yo government check ain't in until Monday. .

   It's kinda hard to believe in just 2 days,, I'll be stabbing housewives for a discounted Dyson vacuum.

   Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.... There's Circular pizzas, square pizzas, thin/thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings...... All beautiful really

   Sweat pants are only ok for 2 reasons. Thanksgiving and strip clubs

   My girl friend says she may move out because of my obsession with TV dramas. But will she really leave me......Find out next week!

   ...... Black Friday: Because only in America, people trample others for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have.

   So what all y'all vegans eating for Thanksgiving?