love Funny Status Messages

   She says she doesn't have to change her relationship status on Facebook to show her love? It's because she's still banging her ex.

   Big... Powerful... Makes the ladies scream... Lasts for an hour. No wonder women love Oprah so much.

   Hey I'm an equal opprotunist. I love blondes, brunettes, redheads, tall ones, short ones, cousins, adopted cousins...

   May those who love us love us, and those who do not love us, may God turn their hearts. And if he cannot turn their hearts, may he turn their ankles so that we may know them by their limping.

   Please irritate me. I would LOVE to see how badly it ends for you. ;)

   You can't force someone to love you, you can only stalk them and hope for the best.

   My girlfriend asked me, "Do You believe in love at first sight"? I said, "At the first sight of what"?

   Won employee of the month again! I love being self employed.

   How to impress a woman: kiss, hug, compliment, love, tease, protect, listen, support. How to impress a man: Show up NAKED with BEER!!!

   Parents say alcohol is your enemy, God says love your enemy.......

   The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

   Zombies make the best boyfriends; they love you for your brain, not your body...

   Can I borrow that quarter? Because my mom told me to call home when I fell in love.

   My wife told me that a friend of hers gets smacked abound by her husband. Then she told me that, if I ever hit her, I'd only do it the once. "That's what I love about you," I said. She said, "What do you mean?" I replied, "You learnn from your mistakes."

   I love how you can make ANYTHING you say sound dirty, just by adding one of those "Air Quotation" gestures.

   Went to Arby's today, and had a buddy hide in the trunk. When we got to the window to pickup our order, We had him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk.I turned up the stereo, and handed the guy my money, and said loudly "I LOVE this song!!"

   its better to lose a lover then to love a loser

   watching The Biggest Loser. I'd really love to be on that show. Not so much to lose weight.. but just to have Jillian ride me like a donkey while talking dirty to me.. Yeahh baby!

   Thought it was true love, but you know women lie.

   Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile