father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   If there's one thing I've learned since becoming a father it's just because the kids say they don't want any bacon, make 2 extra slices, because they are lying.

   doesn't that swirling graphic the weather channels show of Irene look like a sonogram? I keep thinking the whole east coast is pregnant... and 'The Situation' is the father

   Wife quote of the weekend: "I can't believe Kim Kardashian is making 2 million dollars off her wedding, and all I made was 2 kids and my father really mad." Thanks, honey, it's all been magical for me too...

   two young boys are lying in a snow bank outside of church with their pants down. when asked what they were doing they said "father likes a couple cold ones before mass begins"

   My mother + my father - condom = COOLEST PERSON ALIVE! :-).

   Father: "I'm the BOSS. I make the rules and run this house, understand?" Daughter: "Why are you whispering daddy?" Father: "I don't want your mother to hear me."

   Never date a girl whose father calls her "Princess." Chances are.. she believes it

   I'm not your Father but I can be your friend ( Heavy breathing ) - Step-dad Darth Vader

   I'm looking forward to the day when Jesus points to me, and turns to our Father and says, "This one is mine!"

   Really!!! Kim Kardashian is upset with the Casey Anthony verdict!!! Your father defended OJ Simpson, Thus starting the Kardashian tradition of getting black men off!!!

   Father's Day is the most confusing day in the Ghetto !!!

   Happy Father's Day, all! Be nice to your dad today. Remember it's because of him not pulling out in time that you're alive today!

   Let's not forget a Happy Father's day to all the Sugar Daddies out there.

   Happy father day to the men in our lives that have made a diffrence when we didnt have one to be there.., our uncles, brothers, grandfathers teachers bosses,step dads...you didnt have to be there, but we were all grateful you were.

   If you're lucky enough to still have a dad the best Father's Day gift would be to call the guy and ask his advice about something. Anything.

   Happy Father's Day Dad! Whoever you are...

   I was chillin' with my buddy and his wife walked in and said, "Happy Father's Day! You're so much more than the guy who used to buy dollar store condoms."

   Nothing says Happy Father's Day like waking up next to a stripper and wondering if she actually has a father to celebrate the day.

   would like to thank maury povich for letting so many know if they are the father and can celebrate this day

   Father's Day Then And Now: In 1911, fathers prayed their children would learn English. Today, fathers pray their children will speak English.