father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   The one thing you never wanna hear when your father catches you watching porn is... "Scoot over."

   "Luke, I am your Father...and your Uncle"- Redneck Darth Vader

   My father was right up there with Einstein in the Science department...She taught me all about TIME TRAVEL "If you don't behave, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."

   Sadly there comes a day in every Father/Son Relationship where your son asserts himself by simply saying "No thank you" when you say "Pull my finger".

   "Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I told a lie just to earn some money." "Christ will forgive you, remember to put money into the donation box."

   Any fool can be a Father, but it takes a real man to be a Daddy!!

   If there's one thing I've learned since becoming a father it's just because the kids say they don't want any bacon, make 2 extra slices, because they are lying.

   doesn't that swirling graphic the weather channels show of Irene look like a sonogram? I keep thinking the whole east coast is pregnant... and 'The Situation' is the father

   Wife quote of the weekend: "I can't believe Kim Kardashian is making 2 million dollars off her wedding, and all I made was 2 kids and my father really mad." Thanks, honey, it's all been magical for me too...

   two young boys are lying in a snow bank outside of church with their pants down. when asked what they were doing they said "father likes a couple cold ones before mass begins"

   My mother + my father - condom = COOLEST PERSON ALIVE! :-).

   Father: "I'm the BOSS. I make the rules and run this house, understand?" Daughter: "Why are you whispering daddy?" Father: "I don't want your mother to hear me."

   Never date a girl whose father calls her "Princess." Chances are.. she believes it

   I'm not your Father but I can be your friend ( Heavy breathing ) - Step-dad Darth Vader

   I'm looking forward to the day when Jesus points to me, and turns to our Father and says, "This one is mine!"

   Really!!! Kim Kardashian is upset with the Casey Anthony verdict!!! Your father defended OJ Simpson, Thus starting the Kardashian tradition of getting black men off!!!

   Father's Day is the most confusing day in the Ghetto !!!

   Happy Father's Day, all! Be nice to your dad today. Remember it's because of him not pulling out in time that you're alive today!

   Let's not forget a Happy Father's day to all the Sugar Daddies out there.

   Happy father day to the men in our lives that have made a diffrence when we didnt have one to be there.., our uncles, brothers, grandfathers teachers bosses,step dads...you didnt have to be there, but we were all grateful you were.