life Funny Status Messages

   One of my favorite hobbies before Facebook was having a life.

   live life in the slow lane and get left behind...

   A life vest - protects you from drowning. A bullet proof vest - protects from bullets. A sweater vest - protects you from dating.

   OK, I go upstairs to the bathroom and walk by and my wife is watching Forensic Files....20 minutes later she comes down to the man cave and asks if we should get life insurance on each other!! Made me nervous

   Life will be good when I wake at this hour, yawn, stretch, find the cold spot on my pillow and go back to sleep because I'm retired and rich from lottery winnings.

   My life is like this. I need a spoon but the only thing they offer are chopsticks.

   Mann life would be so much easier if we just generated all of our food into farts and never had to poop..

   I just asked my buddy who's lived in Texas on a farm his whole life how many sexual partners he's been with. Strangely enough he started counting and fell asleep. O.o

   Everyone in life has a purpose, even if it's to serve as a bad example

   "When life handed ME lemonaid I turned it into Hard Lemonaid"- Mike

   "When life handed me political aides I turned them into Lemonaides"- Bill Clinton

   Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?

   Life is funny. Well ok, just My life. Ok everyone please stop LOL-ing,ROFL-ing, and LMMAO-ing. Thank you

   Facebook is a like real life in that I don't think of the witty reply until 5 or 6 days after the conversation happened.

   The Kardashian Sisters would make great Vampires. They all have that dark exotic look, they're talented suckers, and live the night life well. The only thing they couldn't handle about Vampirism is not being able look at themselves in a mirror any more.

   Some people live one life and Facebook another.

   Life is like Facebook. People will LIKE your problems & comment, but no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.

   so everyone's so captivated in changing and updating their online status nowadays.. how about trying to update your "Actual" social status where friends can like you in real life for you, than for your imaginary egotistic thoughts about your life.

   Life is not measured by the breaths you take...its measured by the moments that take your breath away.

   Sometimes I wish I could appear offline in real life too.