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October 27th, almost time for me to tell my kids' about the weird week long chocolate allergy they are about to get.
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10-27-2016 05:31
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You can just root for them. You don't have to try and explain how you're a legit Cubs fan because your great uncle went to Wrigley once.
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10-27-2016 05:30
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Instead of paying for a haunted house this year I'm just making the kids clean out the refrigerator.
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10-27-2016 05:29
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Sometimes you just have to throw away a few sheets of perfectly good printer paper so it can hide all the Halloween fun-size candy wrappers in your trash can.
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10-27-2016 05:28
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Why is my kid in the living room doing cartwheels when I put her to bed an hour ago?
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10-27-2016 05:27
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I'm sorry I said the Nazis were also a party when you invited me to celebrate your birthday.
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10-27-2016 01:54
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@ a funeral . ME: What's the WiFi password PRIEST: Respect the dead ME: Is that all small letters?
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10-26-2016 16:15
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If you want to work for a company that makes moisturiser, the best thing to do is to apply daily.
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10-26-2016 11:51 by
thejoke.cafe
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A pessimist’s blood type is always b-negative.
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10-26-2016 11:49 by
thejoke.cafe
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Why did the blonde tip toe near the medicine cabinet? Because she didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.
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10-26-2016 11:48 by
thejoke.cafe
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When I was young at bedtimes my mum always told me a story with a happy ending. One of the benefits of having a mum from Thailand I suppose.
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10-26-2016 11:48 by
thejoke.cafe
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I think Christmas must be near, The bin man said good morning to me.
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10-26-2016 11:47 by
thejoke.cafe
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Some folks exercise their right to vote. I vote my right to not exercise.
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10-26-2016 11:19 by
Fazzella
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There is no doubt in my mind that if people could vote from their couch at home on their X-box or PlayStation, Hillary would win in a landslide.
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10-26-2016 10:38 by
Fazzella
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The only people watching your Facebook Live Streaming are your stalkers.
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10-26-2016 04:42
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Just once I'd like someone to say to me "sheesh your girl's hot as sh1t."
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10-25-2016 23:04
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I can't decide whether to vote for the crooked liar or the lying crook...
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10-25-2016 20:00
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Wait, free healthcare premiums are going up again?? Don't worry Democrats, it'll be announced after your fools elect you...
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10-25-2016 19:52
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I'll say one thing for the Trumps: the wooden pallet their housekeeper sleeps on isn't missing any slats.
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10-25-2016 17:33
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Talking to you makes my ovaries hurt.
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10-25-2016 15:51 by
April
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