Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1098 of 6384
I've reached that age where scratching my b@lls has become both an art and a science. Actually, it's a finely tuned combination of both a taffy pull and a game of hot potato.
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09-02-2016 11:40 by Big Tate
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FOX News has the most embarrasing moments on TV EVER! Every time you think they're done embarresing themselves - WOW!
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09-02-2016 10:57
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Remember yesterday was September.... So,, Only three more months of summer
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09-02-2016 10:37 by Snotty
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I'm OK with the French beach laws,, but the KKK shouldn't be allowed to wear their burkas either... *Ya know,, fairness
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09-02-2016 10:35 by Snotty
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My hobbies include but are not limited to, being difficult for no reason & not responding to texts.
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09-02-2016 09:16
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Heyyyy Chill out. Were NOT building a wall... Just kidding D-Bagz , of course we are.
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09-02-2016 09:12
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Many people seem to appreciate my honesty until I'm honest with them. Then I become an azzhole....
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09-02-2016 08:31
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Thank you myfitnesspal for helping me track my calorie intake. Apparently I'm eating enough every day to keep three people alive.
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09-01-2016 16:04
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Drug addiction runs in my family. I come from a long line of cocaine.
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09-01-2016 16:01
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My sports career was abruptly ended by the baby gate hurdle incident of 1996.
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09-01-2016 16:00
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They were totally out of coloring books at the adult book store again.
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09-01-2016 15:59
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Quit smoking 5 years ago today. Now I'm addicted to telling everyone how long it's been since I quit smoking....
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09-01-2016 15:58
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Rarely do I go a full day without attempting a Russian accent.
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09-01-2016 15:57
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I know Fall is getting close because the squirrels are wearing Uggs and demanding pumpkin spice lattes.
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09-01-2016 15:56
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Tonight, on a very special episode of Friends, a black guy gets on screen somehow....
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09-01-2016 15:54
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"Cheesecake solves all problems." ~ Golden Girls 3:16
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09-01-2016 15:53
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Love how Disney movies teach you that you can be anyone you want, as long as it's a princess.
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09-01-2016 15:51
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Never trusted Cinderella because in a world of fairy tales, who uses a broom to clean? She should have used it to fly far far away.
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09-01-2016 15:50
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I'm not judgemental until you call Led Zeppelin old.
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09-01-2016 15:48
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We can’t correct your catastrophic ignorance of The Rockford Files in one sitting. Let’s schedule another session.
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09-01-2016 15:48
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