life Funny Status Messages

   I wish my life was more like a professional wrestler's. I'd walk into work with entrance music, pyrotechnics, and a laser light show.

   Lord Almighty, Adele...REALLY ?,, Just burn his house down & get on with your life already.

   just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks so if you're swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!

   Sleep + social life = Bad grades. Good grades + sleep = No social life. Good grades + social life = No sleep.

   When life gives Lady Gaga lemons... She makes an outfit.

   I'd like to beat the life out of someone with a violin. That way I could be described as having been instrumental in their death

   please continue to tell me how the life you created for yourself is so miserable instead of taking actual steps to change it.

   I'm at the stage in my life where I answer the door for deliveries in boxers b/c nothing matters anymore.

   If my life ever flashes before my eyes, it will just be me sitting around crying.

   I just had a nowhere near death experience. It was completely life continuing.

   Dear Life, I have a complete grasp on the fact that you are not fair... so please quit teaching me that lesson.

   Life is like a roll of toilet paper. It goes a lot faster when you get close to the end.

   Mistakes are painful; but as time goes by, it becomes a collection of experiences called Lessons. Live life and embrace life lessons!

   What if , one day you randomly wake up as a baby and realize that you're whole life was just a dream.

   Adele wrote the last chapter in my life. I believe I will have Katy Perry write the next !

   Waiting for Adele to write the next chapter in my life ! Hurry Up times a wasting !

   Look, kids. I think we can learn a valuable lesson from Whitney Houston's unfortunate passing. When snorting coke, wear a life jacket.

   Words of wisdom - if you take a bath when you're high on cocaine, make sure you wear a life jacket.......

   My old Grandad's motto in life was "What you can't see, won't hurt you." He died of radiation poisoning.

   I only want two things in life: 1. Lose weight 2. Eat.