life Funny Status Messages

   It should be against the rules to post anything depressing on Facebook. Shout out to a deceased relative, ok. But no one cares if your goldfish is sick and you hate your life. I dont even care if my goldfish is sick.

   •Life is not fair, but life is not fair for everyone... which actually makes it fair.

   Life is a gift ... Unrap it with Zeal !!

   There is no worse bicthassness than snapping and blowing up on someone who hasn't done you any wrong simply because your miserable and pathetic life is stressing you out.

   Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?

   One of the hardest things in life is trying to plug in your charger in the dark

   Life is like a pen!s: simple, relaxed and hanging freely. It's women who make it hard.

   Just don't update your Facebook status, update your life status...Jesus

   x² + why +8 [(x + 2y ² = a-z] + 2x ³ + (- 2z = 2. 4) + 10y - 5Z ³= k= 9 is as useful and crucial to my life as Jesus is.

   I'll defend puppies & kittens with my life.. But if your kid's acting like a spoiled brat...I will ABSOLUTELY knock him over when you're not looking.

   There's only three things I wanna win at 1) Life 2) beer Pong 3) Video Games

   I'll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life, I'm going to "let cool in microwave for 1 minute".

   x² + why +8 [(x + 2y ² = a-z] + 2x ³ + (- 2z = 2. 4) + 10y - 5Z ³= k= 9 TRUST ME, You need this in life.

   When I finally meet the love of my life, I hope he appreciates all the time I spent following him and hiding in his bushes.

   Turns out the guy I hired to be my life coach is actually a swimming coach, which explains why he kept wanting me to wear a Speedo.

   I'd rather look back at my life and say "I can't believe I did that" instead of saying,. "I wish I did that."

   Whenever somebody ask me what's my favorite movie or song, that's exactly the moment when I forget every f*cking movie or song I've ever come across in my whole life!

   I'm almost finished producing my "Tickle Me Emo" doll. When you tickle it... it says "My life sucks," "I need more black hair dye" and..... these pants aren't tight enough. I just need to stop it from cutting the box it comes in, before it's sold.

   Whenever somebody calls me ugly, I give them a big hug. I can only imagine how hard life must be for the visually impaired.

   I've spent at least 15% of my life pulling a chain & trying to figure out if the ceiling fan is speeding up or slowing down.