Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   it ok to put up a festivus pole before the 1st of December ?

   What kind of Leader says and does nothing about Nation Wide Riots?

   Safety pins are for diapers, full of crap

   .... After eight years ... At least with a new President Comedians will finally be allowed to joke about the president once again.

   Safety pins are for Babies.

   Good Lord .... I find it ironic that the people are claiming that Trump will destroy America ..... While they go out and destroy America.

   Martin L King ... Looted nothing, Burned nothing, Attacked .... NO ONE ....... Yet ... CHANGED THE WORLD. Time for people to wake up ..... It's the mind ... Not the emotions that holds the power.

   After a Nation Wide Survey we have determined that there were actually 3% more Cleveland Indian fans than Cubs fans. We hereby demand that the Chicago Cubs relinquish their World Series Title!!! ..... Said no sane person ever.

   The Cubs are not my World Series Champions!!!! Protest and Boycott the unfair World Series!!

   [grocery produce aisle]... ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots?.. CLERK: No, why do you ask?... CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?

   At first glance, the word "Diputseromneve" looks confusing and retarded. However, if you read it backwards it's even more stupid.

   BREAKING NEWS: Game show hosts going on strike... They know their jobs are in Jeopardy,.. but they won't settle until they can get a contract where The Price Is Right.

   All I'm sayin is how do you expect your gluteus to be maximus,,, if you don't eat your bacon?

   Hey protesters, while you're marching for equality for something that hasn't even happened yet, why don't you march on over the ND where Native American rights have been getting violated for over a year? Oh, it doesn't affect you. Got it.

   My favorite dinosaurs were the carbivores... You never hear about them because they went extinct before the others,,, You know cuz,, like all the gluten and such...

   In these trying times, I want to find good in this world so here goes,,,,, I am extremely grateful that Cap'n Crunch leaves far more gently than it enters.

   Wtf? I like something and the site reverts back to page 1!

   I just introduced a guy wearing a hoodie with shorts, to a guy wearing a vest... They're fighting... Umm Wait,, That's actually making out, they're making out.

   Hot Kraft singles in your area are difficult to open, and really not good cheese anyway,,,, So....

   Me: But God, where did the second set of footprints go?.. God: That's when you were dating that psycho. I wasn't sticking around for that.