life Funny Status Messages

   It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye. Then it's a life of piracy on the high seas.

   Sometimes I look at what someone is wearing and I can't help but think, "Damn GIRL, did you give up on life?"

   I'm always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he'll spare my life when he finally snaps.

   The number one rule in life "stay in your own lane "and there won't be any accidents.

   Penguins mate once and stay together for life. All those failed relationships you had? Penguins are kicking your ass.

   Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life:)

   Hun! You are just like a doll ; Pretty, but Life-less, dumb as a rock and everyone plays with you.

   So you discovered your best angle when you take pictures... You lil model you, hardly recognized you! In real life!

   I saved a life today.... I asked a beggar, "How would you feel if I gave you 10,000 in cash?" He replied," I would die of happiness!" So I didn't give him any money I saved a life

   There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

   Dear girl running for her life, I was only running after you with the knife trying to protect you from whatever you were running from... call me

   You should Go Ahead and live life with regrets because the more bad decisions you make tonight the better your Facebook Posts will be tomorrow!

   Thinking back on my life I've ridden a donkey down the grand canyon, not a big deal. The fact I sustained an erection the whole time humming the Bonanza theme probably IS!

   Welcome to Facebook, where relationships are perfect, liars believe their own lies & the world shows off they are living a great life.

   I've dedicated my life to getting under age prostitutes off the streets. For an hour or so usually.

   I am starting to think my life is like a revolving door.... Every time I hesitate to go through I get slapped by the door as it passes

   Ï believe that upon death,at heavens gate,there are 2 books in which your name need be,the book of life,&the avengers attendance sheet

   The Camouflage Snuggie: the ideal gift for the military afficionado in your life who aspires to blend in with a couch.

   I'm thinking of dropping the whole "I'm from the street/thug life" persona.

   Most alcoholic beverages contain all 13 minerals necessary to sustain human life. Drink to your health!