Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Went down the doctors today because I have been hearing voices coming from my Pants.The doctor said " Ignore them they're just Talking Bollocks!"

   When I see a ugly girl looking In the mirror I like run to the mirror & throw water at it & say,"see your ugliness made it cry"....

   My cable goes out more than I do.......How sad!!

   You had me at an extra hour of sleep.

   Does this status make my wall look big..

   You know I think its real messed up that clubs have "Ladies Night" where a bunch of them can go and drink free for a while and dance...But they dont have a "Guys Night" where dudes can do the same...??Oh wait??..That sounds kinda gay...NEVERMIND

   The world is at peace when you're eating a hamburger.

   the heart has reasons to say things that the brain will never understand

   Merry Christmas! oh, its not evern thanksgiving yet? well, how about we forward that memo to the stores, cause its beginning to look alot like christmas..EVERYWHERE I GO!

   The Crimmus gift card. A perfect way to say you mean NOTHING to me, but at least you are off my list!

   Today, I was rejected by a girl when she told me she is not ready to date. We met on a dating website

   aim for the moon, if you miss youll be among the stars"..then pressure & lack of o2 will make your as@hole explode out of your nostrils.

   screaming obscenities at my computer because my essay is due tomorrow and it just crashed.  My name is X, and Windows 7 was my idea.

   The Greek invented lovemaking, but the Italians introduced it to the women

   this chick I was talking to told me on facebook to stop calling/texting her because she lost her phone. Right under her post was "sent from facebook for iPhone.

   if a girl cheats on her bf tonight, then sets back her clock, it won't count because your reliving that hour w daylight savings and the universe cancels it out

   You think of it as an extra hour of sleep. I think of it was an extra hour of dreaming and keeping reality at bay.

   You think of it as an extra hour of sleep..... I think of it as 6 less taps on the snooze button.

   thinking about 2012 and what the changes could be that the Mayans predicted. Studying a crop circles and the Sumerian creation text that seemingly Christianity borrowed. So many fascinating things to think about.

   Please Don't write on my wall, I just painted it yesterday. Thanks.