life Funny Status Messages

   Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn't like.

   The point of YOLO isn't to party and do a bunch of crazy sh*t cause you only live once. The points to go out of your way to do nice things, live life to the fullest.

   I am so happy with my life I want to go out and punch someone in the face to celebrate.

   Live your life in such a way that the Westboro Baptist Church will want to picket your funeral.

   my computer decided to restart itself, and I lost the 37 tabs I had open. my life is in shambles

   I met the love of my life at Starbucks. She was beautiful, but I knew I had to drink her eventually.

   I ruined somebodys life today... They stole my identity.

   If your laugh in real life sounds like "Bwahahaha", guaranteed I won't be funny around you.

   I think Christopher Nolan grew up on 60's Batman and his life's goal is to wipe it out...

   If my life flashes before my eyes, I hope it's not the special edition with all the deleted scenes I've blocked from my memory.

   If I had a year to live, I would spend it with my ex... because it would be the longest year of my life.

   OK if you really want me to watch soccer so be it. but for the life of me I don't understand why the counter counts up????

   I spend 500% of my life exaggerating!

   When life rains on your parade, get out the Slip-n-Slide.

   Life puts a continual set of roadblocks in our way. Keep knocking that sh*t down and move forward.

   Shower = 2% Wash Body | 3% Wash Hair | 95% Contemplate Life.

   Precision. Concentration. Patience. Fearlessness. Four skills I possess while shaving my nuts that I wish I could apply to other aspects of my life.

   A cool way to second guess your entire life is to go online and read reviews of every movie you think is awesome.

   I hear people talking about their lactose intolerance all the time. I guess I could live with that but if I ever developed tequila intolerance life would no longer be worth living.

   When life knocks you down...Calmly get back up, smile, and very politely say, "You hit like a b!tch"