Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   First trick or treater at our house is this 5 year old girl I say "What a great costume Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is one of my favorites" she looks confused and says "I am snooki"

   if you cant solve life's problems try Ctrl + Alt + Del

   it in the Job Description for Bomb Maker you have to be a medical student ?

   : Roses are Red, Violets are Blue. I've got five fingers, the middle one's for you.

   This Halloween, I'll be handing out those little tiny candy bars. I think they're called bite-me sized.

   ...warns you this Halloween to beware of strangers bearing strange tools like chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, and band saws.

   forgot to buy candy for the kids this Halloween but will offer them a bite of her sandwich.

   putting "in bed" after all his friends facebook statuses.

   For this, is a special time when family And friends get together,for fun. Wishing laughter and fun to cheer your days, In this festive season of diwali and always!!!!!!!!

   anything not related to elephant is IRRelephant

   i m dissapointment in your grammer

   why do strangers always have the best candy?

   3.14 % of sailors are PI rates

   my Sunday coupons are now bilingual, and it didn't even give me the option to press 1 for English.

   since when the hell did the price of apples and razors go up? geez!

   You don't have to be good to succeed. You just gotta be the least Crappy option. Example: We're eating at The Olive Garden.

   You're gonna run into jerk offs. But remember, it's not the size of the a**hole you worry about, it's how much crap comes out of it.

   I didn't say you were ugly. I said your girlfriend is better looking then you, and standing next to her you look ugly.

   Learn how to spell Science you ruhtard

   Nothing says "My boyfriend is a cholo!" quite like a hickey.