Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger . . .
←Rate | 10-28-2010 13:39 by rockerch!ck Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I ever wake up in a room full of people and a tape recorder that says, "Hello, I want to play a game," I'm going to be so mad!
←Rate | 10-28-2010 13:41 by rockerch!ck Comments (0)  


   messageicon The kids next door challenged me to a water fight . . . I'm just poisting this while I wait for the kettle to boil
←Rate | 10-28-2010 13:46 by rockerch!ck Comments (1)  


   messageicon My Nan has found a lump in each of her breasts. Turns out it was just her knees.
←Rate | 10-28-2010 13:55 by jimbo Comments (0)  


   messageicon when I was your age I lost my tooth, not my virginity
←Rate | 10-28-2010 14:11 by rockerch!ck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Your bumper sticker claiming, "My Chocolate Lab is smarter than your Honor Student" appears to be false. I've never seen an Honor Student jump from an open car window and chase a squirrel through a busy intersection.
←Rate | 10-28-2010 14:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish cleaning the house was as easy as cleaning out my email.
←Rate | 10-28-2010 14:28 by ff1241 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Obama: "We Must Punish Our Enemies" American Teabaggers and GOP candidates are enemies of the Latino people??? This DUDE is the Anti Christ.......
←Rate | 10-28-2010 14:30 by Bill Comments (7)  


   messageicon ‎"POOF" did you see that?? No you didn't did you?? "MAGIC" that's why!!!
←Rate | 10-28-2010 14:35 by Gary Comments (0)  


   messageicon myspace, then facebook, then twitter. Next? mylifetotallyexposed . com
←Rate | 10-28-2010 15:01 by rockerch!ck Comments (0)  


   messageicon being a politician is like being a hooker. You can't be one unless you can pretend to like people while you're f'ing them."
←Rate | 10-28-2010 15:04 Comments (2)  


   messageicon a snuggie made out of shamwow material.
←Rate | 10-28-2010 15:22 by moomoo5577 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm ok with my masculinity, enough to eat a Blow Pop in public. But I won't swallow the gum.
←Rate | 10-28-2010 15:52 by Aaron Comments (1)  


   messageicon Don't worry about life, you're not going to survive it anyway.
←Rate | 10-28-2010 16:21 by inezt Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.
←Rate | 10-28-2010 16:21 by inezt Comments (0)  


   messageicon Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway
←Rate | 10-28-2010 16:22 by inezt Comments (1)  


   messageicon Seriously someone has to teach Cupid how to shoot straight
←Rate | 10-28-2010 16:22 by inezt Comments (0)  


   messageicon The funniest thing I've ever discovered. Go to Google Maps, then click get directions in the top left corner. Start in Japan and make your destination China. Look at direction number 43.
←Rate | 10-28-2010 16:22 Comments (15)  


   messageicon Just for laughs I typed 'crazy beotch' into my gps and it gave me directions to my exes house!
←Rate | 10-28-2010 16:39 by stupidsidetongue Comments (0)  


   messageicon Back in my day there were only 151 Pokémon...
←Rate | 10-28-2010 17:05 Comments (0)  




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