Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 899 of 6446

Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger . . .

if I ever wake up in a room full of people and a tape recorder that says, "Hello, I want to play a game," I'm going to be so mad!

The kids next door challenged me to a water fight . . . I'm just poisting this while I wait for the kettle to boil

My Nan has found a lump in each of her breasts. Turns out it was just her knees.
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10-28-2010 13:55 by jimbo
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when I was your age I lost my tooth, not my virginity

Your bumper sticker claiming, "My Chocolate Lab is smarter than your Honor Student" appears to be false. I've never seen an Honor Student jump from an open car window and chase a squirrel through a busy intersection.
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10-28-2010 14:12
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I wish cleaning the house was as easy as cleaning out my email.
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10-28-2010 14:28 by ff1241
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Obama: "We Must Punish Our Enemies" American Teabaggers and GOP candidates are enemies of the Latino people??? This DUDE is the Anti Christ.......
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10-28-2010 14:30 by Bill
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"POOF" did you see that?? No you didn't did you?? "MAGIC" that's why!!!
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10-28-2010 14:35 by Gary
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myspace, then facebook, then twitter. Next? mylifetotallyexposed . com

being a politician is like being a hooker. You can't be one unless you can pretend to like people while you're f'ing them."
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10-28-2010 15:04
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a snuggie made out of shamwow material.

I'm ok with my masculinity, enough to eat a Blow Pop in public. But I won't swallow the gum.
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10-28-2010 15:52 by Aaron
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Don't worry about life, you're not going to survive it anyway.
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10-28-2010 16:21 by inezt
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Life is the art of drawing without an eraser.
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10-28-2010 16:21 by inezt
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Attack life, it's going to kill you anyway
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10-28-2010 16:22 by inezt
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Seriously someone has to teach Cupid how to shoot straight
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10-28-2010 16:22 by inezt
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The funniest thing I've ever discovered. Go to Google Maps, then click get directions in the top left corner. Start in Japan and make your destination China. Look at direction number 43.
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10-28-2010 16:22
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Just for laughs I typed 'crazy beotch' into my gps and it gave me directions to my exes house!

Back in my day there were only 151 Pokémon...
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10-28-2010 17:05
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