Funny Status Messages

   Remembers the dude that answered his door in sweats and a motley crue tshirt who forgot it was Halloween? He rumages through his cupboards and out of guilt gives you 10 pop tarts and a tube of pringles...........Halloween Jackpot.........

   Whoo yooh A suicide book..got my mother in laws christmas present..};-)

   Society would improve leaps and bounds if people would just stop putting those stupid Transformers emblems on their cars.

   Some people have all the luck. They're called "cheaters."

   Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger.

   And the Hedonist of the Year award goes Charlie Harper, who couldn't be with us tonight. Accepting the award on his behalf is Charlie Sheen. Oh, wait ... what's the difference? =p

   I'm in one of those moods that only a virgin sacrifice will appease.

   I hate it when I get pissed, SLAM the door, storm out of the house.. then realize I have to go back in for my car keys..

   why is it that when you go to McDonald's they ask “Would you like any sauce for your chicken nuggets?”, but all along they know they are never going to give it to you, shady b*stards!

   I Just got super excited when Ice-ice Baby played on Pandora, Does that mean that I'm getting old? Yo man lets get outa hair, Word to your mother!!!!

   eat, drink, and be scary.

   the recession must really be over...McDonald has brought back the Monopoly games!

   Joke of the day: Two old women were sitting in church. One leans over to her friend and said, "My butt is asleep." Her friend replied, "I know, I've heard it snore three times already."

   Breaking News: The National Weather Center has issued a tornado warning for Chattanooga TN. For your own safety head to Neyland Stadium in Knoxville, they're not worried about a touchdown there.......

   Dear bacon company - is it too challenging to make a package I don't need to destroy to get open and that doesn't leave my hands covered in grease?

   One hot sunny afternoon a man was sitting in his lawn-chair drinking beer and listening to the game, while his wife mowed the lawn. The Lady next store observed this and scolded him.... "How can you sit there and let your wife do the hard work? Any man w

   Any man who does that should be Hung!" The man slowly took a sip of his beer then quietly replied... "I am,......and that's why she is happy to mow the lawn.

   Ebay: thank you for buying "Modern Warfare 2". Members who have bought this have also bought: Glitter boy Anal lube.

   You always get what you pay for. Nothing proves this more than toliet paper.

   If the founding fathers were alive they wouldn't tolerate this. Why should we?