life Funny Status Messages

   Most alcoholic beverages contain all 13 minerals necessary to sustain human life. Drink to your health!

   I'm thinking of dropping the whole "I'm from the street/thug life" persona.

   The Camouflage Snuggie: the ideal gift for the military afficionado in your life who aspires to blend in with a couch.

   Ï believe that upon death,at heavens gate,there are 2 books in which your name need be,the book of life,&the avengers attendance sheet

   I am starting to think my life is like a revolving door.... Every time I hesitate to go through I get slapped by the door as it passes

   I've dedicated my life to getting under age prostitutes off the streets. For an hour or so usually.

   Welcome to Facebook, where relationships are perfect, liars believe their own lies & the world shows off they are living a great life.

   Thinking back on my life I've ridden a donkey down the grand canyon, not a big deal. The fact I sustained an erection the whole time humming the Bonanza theme probably IS!

   You should Go Ahead and live life with regrets because the more bad decisions you make tonight the better your Facebook Posts will be tomorrow!

   Dear girl running for her life, I was only running after you with the knife trying to protect you from whatever you were running from... call me

   There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

   I saved a life today.... I asked a beggar, "How would you feel if I gave you 10,000 in cash?" He replied," I would die of happiness!" So I didn't give him any money I saved a life

   So you discovered your best angle when you take pictures... You lil model you, hardly recognized you! In real life!

   Hun! You are just like a doll ; Pretty, but Life-less, dumb as a rock and everyone plays with you.

   Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life:)

   Penguins mate once and stay together for life. All those failed relationships you had? Penguins are kicking your ass.

   The number one rule in life "stay in your own lane "and there won't be any accidents.

   I'm always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he'll spare my life when he finally snaps.

   Sometimes I look at what someone is wearing and I can't help but think, "Damn GIRL, did you give up on life?"

   It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye. Then it's a life of piracy on the high seas.