Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think my cat wanna play hide n seek, thing is I always win when I shake a bag of cat food

   It is always seems to be "Enter some random family member" week or another. Who the hell makes up this schedule and where is it posted? I'm starting to think this crap is just made up.

   This halloween I decided to dress up as the Liberty Bell. If we end up at the same party, be sure to come over and check out my enormous crack.

   thinks more people would take Sara Palin seriously if she lowered the tonal quality of her voice. Ow, my freakin' ears!!

   Sasquatch is messin with me.

   Whew, I wasn't aware pumpkin carving was that much work. Whatever happened to a couple eyes, a nose and a mouth?

   Brock Lesnar will kick Cain Velasquez ass!!!

   Parent:What does 'WTF' mean?! Kid:ummm...welcome to facebook!

   NFL Update: Favre Reports Stiffness.

   This just in......Deanna Farve, wife of Brett Farve, has issued a statement saying that the cell phone pics weren't meant for Jenn Sterger but they were meant to be sent to her. She was quoted as saying, "They were supposed to be sent to me but you know B

   I guess yankee fans wont update there statuss!!

   hopes this Halloween, he doesn't end up with a bag full of restraining orders again.

   What did the blonde say when the airplane began to shake? “Must be an earthquake.”

   The Killer in me is the Killer in you.

   Skipping the new "Jackass" movie... already saw Whoopi Goldberg and Joy Behar on "The View" this week.

   Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.

   Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

   My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

   Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

   If you go to sleep with a itching ass you will wake up with a stinking finger ...