Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 866 of 6446

Today doesn't have that new day smell.
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10-18-2010 12:19 by Aaron
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I confine my exercise to jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth and pushing my luck.
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10-18-2010 12:31 by Aaron
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Woke up this morning to bacon frying on the grill, eggs cooking on the stove, biscuts in the oven, and a fresh pot of coffee :) Todays gonnah be good.
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10-18-2010 13:01 by CJ!
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Monday?! But, I wasn't even finished with Saturday yet.

Still trying to figure out who defriended me...

if you want to fight with you wife/husband, replace Oxygen with Helium and try to keep a straight face...
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10-18-2010 13:41 by Alain
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Marriage is an institution. You also have to be committed to it. If that doesn't sound like a nuthouse I don't know what does.
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10-18-2010 14:03
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feels like LIFESAVERS candy is overstating their importance.
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10-18-2010 14:09 by MarkE
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what is the difference between a rooster and a $lut? one goes c0ck a doodle doo and the other one goes, "any c0ck'll do"
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10-18-2010 14:18 by Tarwadi
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That didn't take long: one of the Chilean miners is already cheating on Jennifer Aniston.
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10-18-2010 14:38 by jdpower
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I wonder if those friends in low places have heard from Garth Brooks recently.
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10-18-2010 14:39 by jdpower
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If you ever see me drinking a Bud Light Lime, I have been kidnapped and am trying to signal you.
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10-18-2010 14:39 by jdpower
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People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't.. Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my grandfather.
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10-18-2010 14:40 by jdpower
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Skipping the new Jackass movie - already saw Christine O'Donnell debate this week.
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10-18-2010 14:40 by jdpower
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Wanted: 1985 delorean with flux capasitor time travil package with 1 shot of plutonium. serious sellers only price not a issue!!
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10-18-2010 15:05 by ebsupaman
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Well The Good News Is, I Came Out Of The Closet, The Bad News...I'm Gay.
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10-18-2010 15:10
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FACT : sharks will only attack you if you are wet
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10-18-2010 16:17
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Walked into the bank today and asked the teller if she could check my balance⦠She leaned over and pushed me.
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10-18-2010 16:26 by Michael
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free: Pmsing wife comes with big bag of Skittles,
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10-18-2010 17:18
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believes the rooster came first.
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10-18-2010 17:54
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