Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Today doesn't have that new day smell.
←Rate | 10-18-2010 12:19 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I confine my exercise to jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth and pushing my luck.
←Rate | 10-18-2010 12:31 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Woke up this morning to bacon frying on the grill, eggs cooking on the stove, biscuts in the oven, and a fresh pot of coffee :) Todays gonnah be good.
←Rate | 10-18-2010 13:01 by CJ! Comments (0)  


   messageicon Monday?! But, I wasn't even finished with Saturday yet.
←Rate | 10-18-2010 13:30 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Still trying to figure out who defriended me...
←Rate | 10-18-2010 13:31 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you want to fight with you wife/husband, replace Oxygen with Helium and try to keep a straight face...
←Rate | 10-18-2010 13:41 by Alain Comments (0)  


   messageicon Marriage is an institution. You also have to be committed to it. If that doesn't sound like a nuthouse I don't know what does.
←Rate | 10-18-2010 14:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon feels like LIFESAVERS candy is overstating their importance.
←Rate | 10-18-2010 14:09 by MarkE Comments (0)  


   messageicon what is the difference between a rooster and a $lut? one goes c0ck a doodle doo and the other one goes, "any c0ck'll do"
←Rate | 10-18-2010 14:18 by Tarwadi Comments (0)  


   messageicon That didn't take long: one of the Chilean miners is already cheating on Jennifer Aniston.
←Rate | 10-18-2010 14:38 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if those friends in low places have heard from Garth Brooks recently.
←Rate | 10-18-2010 14:39 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you ever see me drinking a Bud Light Lime, I have been kidnapped and am trying to signal you.
←Rate | 10-18-2010 14:39 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't.. Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my grandfather.
←Rate | 10-18-2010 14:40 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Skipping the new Jackass movie - already saw Christine O'Donnell debate this week.
←Rate | 10-18-2010 14:40 by jdpower Comments (5)  


   messageicon Wanted: 1985 delorean with flux capasitor time travil package with 1 shot of plutonium. serious sellers only price not a issue!!
←Rate | 10-18-2010 15:05 by ebsupaman Comments (2)  


   messageicon Well The Good News Is, I Came Out Of The Closet, The Bad News...I'm Gay.
←Rate | 10-18-2010 15:10 Comments (1)  


   messageicon FACT : sharks will only attack you if you are wet
←Rate | 10-18-2010 16:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walked into the bank today and asked the teller if she could check my balance… She leaned over and pushed me.
←Rate | 10-18-2010 16:26 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon free: Pmsing wife comes with big bag of Skittles,
←Rate | 10-18-2010 17:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon believes the rooster came first.
←Rate | 10-18-2010 17:54 Comments (0)  




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