life Funny Status Messages

   I only want two things in life: 1. Lose weight 2. Eat. 

   My old Grandad's motto in life was "What you can't see, won't hurt you." He died of radiation poisoning.

   Words of wisdom - if you take a bath when you're high on cocaine, make sure you wear a life jacket.......

   Look, kids. I think we can learn a valuable lesson from Whitney Houston's unfortunate passing. When snorting coke, wear a life jacket.

   Waiting for Adele to write the next chapter in my life ! Hurry Up times a wasting !

   Adele wrote the last chapter in my life. I believe I will have Katy Perry write the next !

   What if , one day you randomly wake up as a baby and realize that you're whole life was just a dream.

   Mistakes are painful; but as time goes by, it becomes a collection of experiences called Lessons. Live life and embrace life lessons!

   Life is like a roll of toilet paper. It goes a lot faster when you get close to the end.

   Dear Life, I have a complete grasp on the fact that you are not fair... so please quit teaching me that lesson.

   I just had a nowhere near death experience. It was completely life continuing.

   If my life ever flashes before my eyes, it will just be me sitting around crying.

   I'm at the stage in my life where I answer the door for deliveries in boxers b/c nothing matters anymore.

   please continue to tell me how the life you created for yourself is so miserable instead of taking actual steps to change it.

   I'd like to beat the life out of someone with a violin. That way I could be described as having been instrumental in their death

   When life gives Lady Gaga lemons... She makes an outfit.

   Sleep + social life = Bad grades. Good grades + sleep = No social life. Good grades + social life = No sleep.

   just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks so if you're swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!

   Lord Almighty, Adele...REALLY ?,, Just burn his house down & get on with your life already.

   I wish my life was more like a professional wrestler's. I'd walk into work with entrance music, pyrotechnics, and a laser light show.