Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If anybody asks, I was on Facebook all night tonight, okay? Thanks for having my back, everyone.

   Don't get me wrong, I totally hear what you're saying, I just don't give a d*mn.

   anyone going to tell America's Funniest Home Videos about youtube?

   I wanna know heather 25's full name so I can find her on facebook. She is pretty damn funny

   I just gave my chiwawa a can of mighty dog. He is now in alaska pulling a dog sled. By himself

   Girl was laughing when she saw my lil wee wee...You should have saw her face when I said GO GO GADGET

   Whoever said laughter is the best medicine never had diarrhea!

   What's the worst part about eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheel chair.

   on the way to Comaland. That's about 24 minutes north of Shutupimsleepingville, which is right outside of Setthealarm Village.

   ha today is10/10/10

   woke up really really really early today just to post on facebook "i've beaten my alarmclock today"

   CALL 1-800-OUR-BAD, IF YOUR BRAKES DONT WORK.

   You only eat candy corn when there's no other candy to eat.

   You dang woodchucks, quit chucking my wood!

   noticed it is 10-10-10 @ 10.10 AM... awesome!

   just changed his relationship status from single to engaged and back to single to see if any chicks will try to get me on the rebound.

   Granny- "I like pushing those rotating doors you get on the way into some places, really fast when there are people in them because it means they have to kind of run to stay standing"

   There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.

   People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that.

   Ha ha there's nobody here. I'm going to steal the internet and sell it on ebay! Oh wait....