Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   And just when I saw you ... I realized I had no more money left

   I find the upper arm bone humerus

   thinks she needs a better drummer...

   an expert on woman and knows all there is to know about them because he got the best one to marry him :)

   sleeps well with others

   My three unwritten rules : 1. 2. 3.

   what does a shingle and a fat chick have in common? They both get nailed by mexicans..

   Did you know..... your middle toe is a radar detector for chair legs??!

   What did Curt Cobain say to Courtney Love before he died?... Holes gonna be big!

   Lets play post office... You lick and I'll deliver.

   Hows about you give me your number while I'm still interested.

   My Idea for a church bulletin. "Stop, drop, and roll won't work in hell ."

   I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help. .... So I hired a hitman

   ‎3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier's face: Priceless!

   whenever I start to get tired of being single... I go sleep on the couch to remember what being in a relationship is like.

   When nudists put on a play, do they argue about who has the biggest part?

   Don't wait untill friday, start your weekend at monday !!

   I love the way you laugh....mostly because your boobs jiggle when you do :)

   Maury: "Darth Vader, you.... ARE the father." Luke: "Nooooo!"

   (SINGS) this is the Song that Never ends.. it just goes on and on my friend.. Some ppl started singing it not knowing what it was, & they'll continue singing it 4ever just because... LOL!! Bet your singing it now too! YW!