Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I plead contemporary insanity.

   It ain't the size, it's... no, it's the size. ;)

   Can I trade this job for what's behind door 1?

   Jesus H Christ , I thought I just died then ..... but no , facebook was down !! phew......

   2 steps forward , 2 steps backwards ..... am I just marking time or dancing ?!!!

   What's the first thing you notice in the opposite sex? I answered: His girlfriend.

   When Facebook Isnt Working, Twitter goes over capacity, (and MySpace remains unused,) some Americans will finally meet their neigbors

   on Dragon's Den next week. I've invented a land mine that looks like a prayer mat. I think the prophets will go through the f00king roof!

   Chances are if you're using a pay phone, sh*t's not going well.

   How is illegal to talk on phone while driving in new york but its legal for the guy from cash cab to host a television show while driving?

   Remember the first time you were ther leader of the line in kindergarten?........ That was the SHIZNITT!!!!

   Facebook was down for a couple of hours today. Yep. Nine months from now, there's going to be a lot of babies born.

   Ok,,, I really like you Thursday, but it's Friday I truly love. It's not that I'm not happy when i'm with you, it's just that Friday does so much more for me!!!

   thinking what is this world coming too?... I started to Google "Is it wrong", when Google started to fill in the suggested searches... Ah... well.... disturbing

   Great!!! Bought a Powerball ticket and a pack of smokes. Total was $6.66. BOY, I sure feel lucky for tonight's drawing.

   Whatever the mind of man can conceive, it can achieve.

   Why is it a relationship often turns into a relationsh*t?

   ask "What have you done today to prepare for a zombie outbreak."

   Told my friend if he causes us to go to jail, I am slapping the soap out of his hands...

   believes dinosaurs were made up by the CIA to discourage time travel.