Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Every 7-eleven needs a task force NOT named Punjab, Aadarsh, Aachman, Aadesh ,Aadi ,Aadidev ,Aafreen ,Aaka ,Aandaleeb to keep the slurpee machine running because this sh*t is UNACCEPTABLE.

   Add My BB Pin » Y3hR1ght

   I rarely get distracted, but the other . . . .brb.

   Dont kill yourself to LIVE!!!

   I don't know why people say something is better if you work for it. Personally, I love being handed awesome sh*t through no effort of my own.

   If I have to buy you a present when you get married, then you have to buy me a present when you get divorced. It's only fair.

   you know my name not my story.

   ______________is so gay, he is trying to drill a glory hole in his facebook wall.

   She is so slutty, her facebook wall has a glory hole!

   choo choo...Lindsay Lohan...WHAT A TRAIN WRECK!

   "Characters did not match verification code. Please try again." Of course it didn't. You gave me 3 squiggle things and an upside down 4.

   "Characters did not match verification code. Please try again." Of course it didn't. You gave me 3 squiggle things, a backwards P and an upside down 4.

   Just some helpful advice.. If someone shows up at your job with a camera crew and says they are doing a documentary about your job... you're probably on an episode of Undercover Boss..

   If whiskey makes you frisky and gin makes you grin, what makes you pregnant? (Two highballs and a Squirt)

   sliced bread, best invention since icecream on a stick...

   When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.

   There is nothing friendlier than a wet dog.

   If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me instead."

   Mmm... caffeine pills. The midnight snack of champions

   Fat Girls are good for two things. Heat in the winter and shade in the summer