Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Celebrate 9/11/2010 by burning a copy of the Patriot Act.

   going to spend his cab money on more shots and just get an ambulance home

   Someday, I'd like to take a train across the country.. but they never leave the keys in them.

   wondering why the big uproar about burning Crayons??

   I bet Clint Eastwood uses the most badass denture adhesive available.

   Honestly, I love every single some of you.

   Here's a secret tip for X-files fans: Drink two bottles of vodka. You'll invariably wake up in a strange place with all recollections of the previous nights events mysteriously "erased".

   As I was listening to myself sneeze, I realized it sounds like "eh choo" not "ah choo" so maybe my sneeze is Canadian?

   It takes 4 toilet paper rolls to suck all the water out of the toilet. This is also just enough to bring a one year old great joy.

   My girl, it's difficult to say what she does....she sells sea shells on the sea shore.

   Most Good People Say: Forgive & Forget, But 9/11 Is Not One Of Those Days That Is Possible...

   the greatest day ever will be when the US decides to nuke the middle East , killing all the camel jockeys

   9/11...i thought it was on the 9th of November....i'll never get used the US date thing!

   Holy Wars are just arguments about who has a better imaginary friend.

   Today is the day we remember there is evil in the world......

   We stand, we fall, we stand right back up and whoop a$$. Let the innocent souls be felt on this day.

   If only I could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.

   Some people live life in the fast lane. You're in oncoming traffic.

   The existence of flamethrowers proves that someone once said, “I want to set those people over there on fire but I'm just not close enough.”

   I now feel old, realizing Nirvana's "Smells like teen spirit" was released 19 years ago.