Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   playing COD MW2 to give my brain cells something fun to do in case they're no longer around on Saturday morning after Friday nights events.

   They call me brown sugar because I'm so sweet!

   If I deleted people from my home page, wouldn't it just make more sense to delete them completely?

   What do you do if an elephant comes through your window? ........Swim for your life !!!.......jlm

   Why do we say sorry even when they bumped into us? It's way funnier when people say "Excuse You" anyways.

   Joined a cult today.

   If life were more like a movie, we'd all be dead after about 90 minutes.

   It's a known fact that hopping on one leg after stubbing your toe helps to relieve the pain.

   Jogging is too much work, walking is too slow, I'm gonna take up skipping. When people see me coming down the sidewalk, I'm pretty sure they'll make an extra effort to move out of the way.

   Alright STOP.......pajama time! ;)

   Dear Bed, I love you.

   brought to you today...by the neighbor's router. ;)

   Have you ever woke up in the morning wanting to smack someone for NO apparent reason?

   We were having too good of a time to worry about what would happen tomorrow.[Summer.oh10]

   Okay...someone explain this to me. You have five urinals in a public restroom and are using the one all the way at the end. Someone walks in and....out of the four other available urinals, decides to "neighbor pee" in the one next to you......WTH?!?

   Would it be good news or bad news if your Girlfriend told you that she was already married???

   Trick or treat is not a game

   dislikes people who make fun of Brett Favre just because of his age. Basically all you're saying is "He's older then me, and still play's the game better then I ever will."

   just changed my profile date of birth and was really loving all the attention until my mom wished me a Happy Birthday. My own mother didn't even know my real birthday is not until April.

   Why is it called 'dry humping' when I still need a towel?