Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Good God...WHAT'S the problem with telling someone "I'm SO miserable without you it's almost like having you here?" LOL-sheesh! ;)

   magine yourself as you would like to be, doing what you want to do,and each day, take one step towards your dream. And though at times it may seem too difficult to continue, hold on to your dream.One morning you will awake to find that you are the person

   Some people like to "cuddle," some prefer to "spoon," I rather "spork" ..... think about it, it will come to you.

   ...Singer Morrisey says Chinese are a “subspecies.” Sorry I'd write more but there's a subspecies at my door with my dinner

   The most difficult foreign language to learn is 'Ozzy Osbourne'. I think they make a Rosetta Stone version for that.

   It's My late night and I Forgot to bring my lunch and dinner to work with me. My "things I would do for a Klondike bar" list, is rapidly starting to grow!

   Facebook has allowed me to bring my "He's a distraction to the rest of the class" from grade school to a global scale.

   One of life's purest joys is discovering that something has pockets.

   ahhh! The life of an overworked Zombie

   ...just heard that Britney told E! that Paris doesn't have a problem with drugs. isn't that like asking Chester Cheetah if the Cookie Monster has a problem with carbs...

   Here is to another nite I'm not going to remember..

   They call us the Febreze Brothers because we are so fresh!!

   this may sound crazy but I got head on my mind ;)

   Opportunity knocked, but by the time I took off the chain, pushed back the bolt, unhooked two locks and shut off the alarm, it was too late..

   Needs a weekend for my weekend

   True Fact: Economic analysts find that the unemployment rate remains at a standstill due to Ryan Seacrest's many job acquisitions within the past several years

   The political correctness has gone mad. I can't even refer to my child as "my disabled son". Apparently the correct term is "daughter"!?!?

   bit another finger trying to eat way too many french fries at once

   You call it "too lazy to start something", I call it "patience"...

   Life Aint Always What It Seems To Be .. you Have Ur Ups N Downs Either Happily Or Sad But At The End Of The Day you Gotta Jus Forget Bout All That N Hope you Wake Up To Live The Next Day