Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Thanks Jason Derulo.. Without you, I would never know how to spell S.O.L.O

   doesn't want anything serious.. just a cuddle that'll lead to bigger, harder and better things :)

   playing marco polo with random people

   only popular on the internet

   Don't be a BEN brother, should have been, would have been, could have been, or might have been

   A baseball fan is a spectator sitting 500 feet from home plate who can see better than an umpire standing five feet away

   thinking.. Don't you hate it when you are having a great memory about a fantastic adventure you had as a kid and then you realise it was actually an episode of "Leave it to Beaver " ??

   home alone and just herd a noise, he is now in ninja mode...

   A baseball fan is someone who likes a seriously girly and pathetic sport.

   if you're good at something you just gotta put on your jogging shoes and run with it!!!

   Sweat Pants: Strong enough for exercising, but made for a guy to lounge on the couch and relax in.

   I like to walk around my house naked... Until my neighbors scream at me to go back inside.

   Telling the cop that you thought the voice in your GPS counted as a designated driver doesn't help your case.

   doesn't understand the phrase 'less than a few minutes.' I mean, we don't even know how long 'a few minutes' is, so how the hell would we know what's less than that?

   The 33 miners trapped deep underground have apparently been given the bad news that it will take 3 months to dig them out of deep hole... I wish our government would tell us when we could expect being dug out of "Our Hole"

   I "HOPE" we can "CHANGE" it back!

   Mow let me get this straight ------------~ Damn!! So close!!!

   How do I set my Lazer Printer to Stun?

   I cant take this sh*t anymore!!! .....so I flushed the toilet and walked out :)

   Mr. Officer would you like Coffee & doughnuts with my license & registration sir???