Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   219 facebook friends but only 60 numbers saved in my cell phone am I missing something here? who are these people?

   hey kids.. go back to MYSPACE!!! FB was created for and is for adults ya know...

   says if Rihanna liked the way it hurt, she'd still be with Chris Brown

   My mother sent me a private message on fb, telling me that I shouldn't post things that some people might find offensive. after much soul searching I had to do the right thing, so I unfriended her !

   NFL preseason games are like Cinemax porn. If you haven't seen the real thing in seven months, it gets the job done.

   I say we should build a Multi-religion facility to appease all religions near the 9/11 site.

   What goes around comes around; wait for revenge, revenge waits for you

   if you cook an egg, won't it kill the salmonella

   wondering what people used to do or how they lived their lives without the internet....so I asked Google

   do eggplants have salmenella??

   A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car!

   Insomnia: its when you spend your whole night thinking about the next day, days passed, and days to come, and when your out of bed the next day, all you can think about is the bed, the pillow and how to sleep!!

   What doesn't kill you makes you slower. -Ancient Zombie Wisdom

   aside from your face, what is your problem? :D

   talk sh*t again, and its going right back in your mouth.

   facebook suggested me and my ex should be friends. Thats like saying to Facebook 'I think you should be friends with Myspace'.

   lets play...." I hope thats chocolate"..

   I eat because I'm depressed. I'm depressed because I eat.

   says, if Renea would just watch porn with me, she would understand why I made her buy roller skates and why we have 20 gallons of chocolate pudding in the fridge

   In the past seven days, 1 friend of mine gave birth, 1 buried his father, 1 buried her brother, 1 died, 1 got divorced, 2 got married, 1 quit his job, 1 got fired and 6 celebrated birthdays. I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm f*cking exhausted.